My Dream Date with Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford strolls confidently into your dressing room singing: "Love me now, love me blind, and love me 'til the end of time! Spying you sitting in the corner, he asks, "So how the heck are you, SueLynn? Do you still love me? I still love you.''

"What a goofy man," you think to yourself as you admire his good looks and sexy smile. Then, thinking about the story you are about to read to several hundred people, you settle anxiously in your white wicker (and very padded) rocking chair and adjust the dark skirt and red shirt that truly defines your body and mind - hah, you think - while, in the same moment, wondering why you feel slightly damp. "It must be a case of nerves about tonight's performance" you muse quietly to yourself.

For a fleeting moment, you also recall that hilarious day when Momma and Jack fell into the concrete mixer as the house was being built and provided the inspiration for your writing career. At the same time, you wonder how long you have been Harrison Ford's girlfriend. It would seem you could remember THAT. Then, Harrison abruptly breaks your train of thought on that.

''Oh Susie you are always so bloody morose!'' Harrison noted with a frown. ''You should think more like me! Harrison, holding his hands high in the air and with a huge smile on his face, began to state in a low, romantic voice, "Hello, I'm Harrison Ford and I am a movie star". Distantly, you can even hear the sounds of an audience cheering. You shake yourself.

You try to remember how you got into doing a tour with Harrison Ford. A vague recollection stirs of a somewhat Coors induced drunken night down at the local brewery in Little Orleans when Danny, your erstwhile boyfriend, caught you chatting up Joey Mosco. You were escorting Joey to the taxi for a romantic getaway when Danny descended like an eagle spotting its prey on the ground below. You knew you were toast at that very moment.

Harrison appeared by your side as if by magic (he was performing at the nearby C & O Canal campground) and said ''Oh come on, Danny, SueLynn here was just hailing a cab for Joey and me. What a great girlfriend!''

Danny just eyed you speculatively, saying "thanks" and nothing more. Oh Boy. Moreover, Joey drove off for a continued night of drinking with Harrison. Well, the postcard he sent you from Mexico indicated that, anyway. Funny thing, now that you are thinking about that. Joey never did come back from Mexico.

The disco lights on your desk flicker red, green - blue, yellow - in two-color tandem on the dressing room ceiling and they slowly bring you back to the present. With a loud sigh, you drain the last of your Diet Pepsi, polish off the last of your favorite sweet BBQ ribs, and then angrily throw your beloved potato wedges against the wall.

''That's it! Harrison roars in approval. "Now you're becoming a diva!'' At that very same moment, Momma appeared. ''Showtime, kid!'' Momma said, poking her head around the door. ''Go give 'em a great reading!''

''Don't I just love your momma?'' Harrison said. ''She is the best manager I've ever had! Now get onstage and have a blast of fun. Break a leg, kid!''

You wonder to yourself, "When did Momma become Harrison Ford's manager?" Before you can ponder that thought any longer, you find yourself staggering up the stage steps and onto the stage floor as the curtains roll up. You smile tentatively, a goofy grin pasted on your face at the audience and you feel the beginnings of stage fright bearing down on you. An undulating sea of Harrison Ford fans, aged 50 plus look at you in anticipation, and then return to stare into their beers with utter disappointment. You sigh. Such is the life as an aspiring writer.

Danny looks up affectionately at you from the front row. With a valiant smile, you sit in the wicker chair that is - somehow - a clone of the one in your dressing room. When the spotlight finally figures out where you are, you pull the microphone to your parched lips and you take a drink of Diet Pepsi before opening the book on your lap. You begin to tell the story that made your career, "Maxxie Margaret was a very lost, very chilled, little brown ferret when she was found that day stuck in a cement mixer.''

Emotionally moved, the audience suddenly begins to cry - and you have only read one sentence! Then, unexpectedly they begin to sing "Love me now, love me blind, and love me 'til the end of time!" The sound echoes louder and louder around the auditorium and inside your head until your eyes are focused ...errr... rather unfocused on something in the distance.

Just when you think your brain might explode, Harrison dances onto the stage. "Saved!" you think. He looks at his watch and then at the audience below. Harrison smiles at you, waves at his fans, and ... dumps you unceremoniously out of your chair! Your mouth drops to the floor in shocked confusion; however, you begin to try to stand just so you - can - wipe - that - smirk - off Harrison's face....

The next thing you know, you wake up, sitting on the floor of your bedroom, badly tangled up in your blankets and sheets. It also dawns on you that it is wet where you are sitting. You slowly realize you have been having another dream and had somehow managed to knock your glass of Diet Pepsi off the nightstand - again.

You quickly extricate yourself and head to the shower. It is time to get up and start another day of writing. Contemplating the nights events, you think, "Yes, Harrison Ford, there are ways to get even with you - it's called karma payback". Still, you feel an impish smile gather on your face as you remember certain other parts of that dream.

Just another unusual - and delusional - romantic moment with Harrison Ford, the only man of my dreams.