My Echoes

my coping mechanisms shattered, self repair takes much time

meanwhile my mind is racked with pain and lashed with whips of fire that so burn my brain

un-escapable sad truths are my torturers now, more potent by far than those ayatollahs

who dwell in houses of brutal extraction

i feel i must write what it is i feel in these dark hours, when my spirit has fallen so very far

looking at this shadow i have become, the shadow of my strength and will and joy

that i see in this lightless, impossible mirror of utter blackness

do you know what does this to a person? you shall know what this is, and you will likely run

as run you should from this unspeakable terror that lurks in the worst part of human experience

so far from center it is an alien thing so much more unfeeling than the truly human sufferings of war and terror and loss

indeed, this is the truest pice of hell on earth, the shard of utter despair,

the piece of torment profound and unremitting

this burden cannot be borne for long, it stretches time and it stretches you

a weight to bring the mightiest to their knees, a burden that is not over soon,

that cannot be escaped or faced down, only waited out

as i the miser of precious treasure temporal, cry out in anguish to helpful ears that do not exist

the visitation of this thing upon a person must be attributed to many things

perhaps a child grows on a diet of violence,abuse, rejection,fear, betrayal, confinement,

and monstrous loneliness

but perhaps this same child has strength and cunning and overcomes all these deficits of circumstance

only then to immediately have all that has been gained ripped from grasp

and then must watch, in exile, as all that was valued most in life faded into mist, with nothing near so wonderful to replace it in the barren land of banishment

knowing that what has vanished may one day be found anew but knowing too that these mists shift endlessly, and for a transient object to find another, it is indeed a true miracle

and knowing worst of all, that once more, I walked the world the alone, that as in time past, my footfalls echoed in the silence