My Ex is a Sex Offender

Twelve years ago, I met the man that is now my ex. We had three children before the relationship finally fell apart. Initially, I tried to maintain contact with him for the benefit of our children, whom he wanted nothing to do with. It wasn't until about four years ago that I tried to cut off all ties with him - because I found out that he was a sex offender.

I had taken my children on a trip to Colorado from our home in Oregon. Everything was fine until I got home and listened to at least 20 partial, automated voice-mail messages telling me that an inmate at the local county jail was attempting to call collect. In addition, my friend and neighbor expressed to me that she had also been receiving similar calls while I was away. She had finally gotten so tired of the calls that she went ahead and accepted one of them. It was my ex, trying to get ahold of me to tell me that he was in jail.

It wasn't more than a couple of days later when he called me again, and I accepted the call. He proceeded to tell me that he had been framed by the woman he had been seeing for the past several months, that she had planted child pornography on the computer they shared and then reported him to the police. He insisted that she was simply upset with him about something completely unrelated and was trying to get back at him.

During the weeks that followed, prior to his trial, I maintained regular contact with him. I did not believe, could not believe, that he was guilty of the accusations against him. I even went as far as to contact the District Attorney's office to get more information about the case and to attempt to vouch for his credibility.

He was ultimately found guilty on nearly 100 possession of child pornography charges and sentenced to 90 days in a minimum security work release facility, community service, and two years probation. While he was in work release, he sent me all of his paperwork to hold on to, for fear that another inmate would find them and "penalize" him.

This paperwork was what opened my eyes to who this man really was. It was not until I read the evidence list that I realized just how little he had told me about what really happened.

The list was several pages long. Each picture discovered on the computer that he and his girlfriend shared was listed individually; each was accompanied by a grotesquely detailed description of the picture itself. In order for the pictures to count as child pornography, there could be no question as to whether the person pictured was a minor and nearly all of the descriptions had a common adjective present - pre-pubescent.

As if that wasn't horrifying enough, I continued to read. I learned that the investigator who analyzed the computer was able to determine the exact dates that the pictures were downloaded, and those dates all corresponded with ones where his girlfriend had been out of town. In other words, she could not have "framed" him.

Yes, it gets worse... According to her sworn statements and testimony at the trial, the only reason she even became aware of the child pornography on their computer is because her 5 year old daughter walked in on him masturbating to a picture of a naked child. This event prompted the girlfriend to search the computer while he was at work, at which time she discovered hundreds of pornographic images, including the child pornography. She then reported him to the police because she feared for the safety of her own children.

Needless to say, I was floored. I also wanted more information. Instead of looking to him for the truth, since I knew he was never going to provide it, I ceased contact with him until he got out of work release. I did extensive research on pedophilia and sex offenders and statistics. Once he was released and assigned a probation officer, I called.

It was explained to me that since this was his first offense, it was still possible that with proper treatment, supervision, and support, he could beat this thing. He would be expected to report to the probation office on a daily basis until he became gainfully employed. He was also expected to attend weekly sex offender therapy, in addition to having to register as a sex offender. He would be unable to be anywhere where minors congregate or have any contact at all with minors. Any failure to meet these expectations and complete the court appointed community service would result in a probation violation which would land him in prison to serve the remainder of his supervision.

Armed with this information from the probation officer and the information I had found on the internet, I took on a new stance with my ex. I was convinced that if I was supportive, he would stand a real chance of benefiting from treatment. I made it clear to him that I was not at all happy with his behavior, that I did not condone it, but that I was available if he needed to talk. I encouraged him repeatedly to attend his sex offender treatment. Not 6 months later, he defaulted on his legal obligations to attend sex offender therapy and was sent to prison for the 18 months that remained of his probation. It was also found that he had spent his previous 6 months of freedom collecting more child pornography from the internet.

This is where things really took a change in an odd and somewhat disturbing direction. He had spent years not wanting anything to do with our children, but all of a sudden he was writing me letters, demanding that I drive the better part of 4 hours away from where I lived at the time so that he could visit with the kids. I had a feeling that he was probably trying to impress his fellow inmates by pretending to be a caring and concerned father, but I also wondered whether he was feigning interest because he knew that was the only way he would have access to children. Regardless, I refused, explaining to him that not only could he not have contact with minors (which included his own children), but also that I was unwilling to put our children in a situation where they were visiting a pedophile in a prison.

This rejection prompted him to try to force the issue. The most ridiculous attempt was when he tried to cite the Indian Child Welfare Act, saying that he had the right to see his kids (despite having been told the contrary by two different judges) and that the Cherokee Nation could force me to bring our kids to visit him. He even went as far as to forge a legal document that said something to the effect that he was entitled to visitation and that I was ordered to comply.

Needless to say, I was not impressed. It got to the point where I had to contact the prison warden and have his mail privileges restricted so that he could no longer write to me. When he was unable to send me harassment via mail, he resorted to contacting my local child support office in order to have our case-worker relay messages to me. Once I made her aware of the situation, those calls stopped and I was finally able to enjoy some peace - at least temporarily.

He finished his prison time and was once again released into society, with all of the same expectations and stipulations that were present before. Because of the new charges he had been convicted on, he was placed back on supervision - this time with a parole officer. In addition to having daily reporting, he had to call in once a day so that his P.O. would know of his whereabouts at all times. My ex did finally find a job and was living with his parents and at least initially, it seemed as though he might have learned his lesson this time and was going to get himself some help.

It was sometime around the end of May, 2004 that it occurred to me that I hadn't heard from or about him or his situation for a while. Then, out of the blue, I receive an e-mail from him. He wrote to tell me that his parole had been transferred to Fairbanks, Alaska and that he had moved to a small town near Denali National Park. He apologized for the way he had treated me and for not being a better father to our kids. He said that his time and prison and his move to Alaska caused him to think a lot about the past and that he wished he could make it up to me and the kids somehow.

I could not believe what I was reading. I was disgusted with his petty repeated attempts to weasel his way back into my life. Even more than that, though, I was extremely skeptical that his parole officer here in Oregon would agree to transfer his case to Alaska, especially considering the fact that my ex had no family or friends there and would therefore have nowhere to live. Because I had spent years learning to take everything he said with a grain of salt, I called his parole officer to find out what was really going on.

The parole officer had not heard from my ex in nearly two weeks, and a warrant had already been issued for his arrest. He had once again failed to comply with his sex offender therapy and had quit his job. The knowledge that this would land him back in prison likely caused him to panic and decide to flee the state. I explained to the parole officer that I had received e-mail contact from my ex and that I would forward that information on. I also volunteered to find out exactly where he was living and working so that he could be apprehended. The parole officer, in the meantime, said he would contact the District Attorney's office to get the ball rolling on the extradition process.

I obtained the information about my ex's whereabouts and gave it to the parole officer. I was glad that he would have to come back and take responsibility for his actions, at least up until the point where the parole officer informed me that my ex would not be extradited.

Yes, that's right. Oregon was not going to extradite my ex, and the excuse given was that it would be cost prohibitive. I was told that there was a bright side to all of this, though, in that when he was apprehended in his apartment, the police found even MORE child pornography. This meant that he would be facing additional charges and prison time for his offenses there, so it wasn't like he would be getting off scott-free. The parole officer continued to placate me, saying that if my ex ever decided to come back to the lower 48 states and was caught, he would be extradited back to Oregon to serve his time for parole violations, crossing state lines as a sex offender without express written consent (a felony charge), and failure to register as a sex offender.

It took the Fairbanks, Alaska judicial system more time to convict and sentence my ex for possession of child pornography than either the O.J. Simpson or Michael Jackson trials. Finally, he was sentenced to 4 years in the lovely Fairbanks Correctional Center and is scheduled for release in September 2008. Due to over-crowding, he was transferred to a brand new facility in Arizona, but will be flown back to Alaska when he is due to be released. When he is released, I have absolutely no reason to believe that he won't abscond again.

Anyone with children should be terrified by this story. What this essentially means is that any sex offender (assumedly, this would apply to any other type of criminal as well) who wants to escape from the consequences of their own actions can just jump on a plane to Alaska. Because it is not a foreign country, the criminal does not need to obtain a passport or provide any information about their identity or criminal background.

This fact is widely available to inmates in prisons through the use of in-house law libraries. There is no doubt in my mind that during the 18 months that my ex was in prison here in Oregon, he spent a considerable amount of time researching laws and loopholes. As evidenced by this story, he managed to find one.

Despite his numerous apologies and promises to be a better person, I am afraid. In about a year and a half, I fully expect to hear a knock at my door and see him standing there expecting me to take him in. Because I cannot obtain a restraining order, since he has not actually harmed me or my children, I can only hope that the police will respond and do the needful. In the meantime, I make my new husband check the mail and answer the phone, and I pray that the state will get their wits about them before my ex is released and offends again.