My Experience with Anxiety and Depression

I can trace my experiences with anxiety and depression all the way back to my birth. My mother suffers from clinical depression which stemmed from her rough childhood. All of her siblings were sent to the orphanage. My mom and her sister were spared because they were disabled and received monthly checks from the government. So, they paid for their staying in a drug and alcohol home. My dad's mother, my grandma, has been depressed for most of her life. She had some terrible trauma when she was a young girl, and my grandpa always brought it up when they were arguing. Now that she is getting some medical help, they are giving her medication for her depression, and she is active again. My dad is so scared of everything that he believes that if he doesn't look at it, then it doesn't exist. My sister is mentally handicapped and has inherited my mom's mental problems. My husband suffers from undiagnosed manic/depressive issues. I am definitely a codependent. I try my best to keep myself up, and so does he, but each day we are faced with reasons for giving up. It's not all that hard when you look at the news or unreality television.

Now that I say all this, there is hope for us. My family is as screwed up as they come and I accept each one. It is each of our hands how we deal with what life throws at us. I try to understand what is going on to me and what is going on around me. How I react to the things around me is how I deal with life. I can only control my actions and reactions and that really helps me cope. If I sit here and think about all the things that I may or may not have control over, then I may go crazy. I have learned in my short 27 years is that I don't control anything. I have no control over another person, the weather, my job, or who walks through the door at work. I can only control my reaction to life and its many facets.

I think people get the notion that they have control over everything and when they are faced with the reality that they don't, then they either learn from it and move on or they go off the deep end. I'm not knocking either choice because I am no one's judge, but remember that your actions affect those around you. So just be courteous and think about other's feelings when you decide to do what you want. But, don't feel that you need to justify anything to anybody. But when you accept that, then you also can't blame anybody but yourself. So the search of yourself is not for the faint hearted, but it can prove rewarding when you don't have to give over a bunch of money to a shrink to tell you that your problems lie inside of you and you need to sort them out. I hope that this helps someone out there and that you remember that now matter what you are important to someone.