My Experience As a Manic Depressive

Sadness, depression and just an overall feeling of hopelessness....then just as quickly and for no reason it swings into an incredible feeling of euphoria...The once thoughts of I cannot do anything good turn to I CAN OVERCOME ABSOLUTELY ANY OBSTACLE... then the high begins. The entire world looks better and happy and totally clear in some sort of unreality. One's minhd races at incredible speeds all the while anger is just hiding and waiting to flare out at the most innocent comment made. At the end of the day you crash exhausted from the manic events and the never ending cycles.

Yes that was my life! I justified my meanness and anger on a daily basis and found comfort in somehow managing to blame others for what I was doing to both myself and everyone I encountered on a daily basis. Not understanding at the time what was happening to me and feeling as though this was just a normal for everyone and everything.

I remember on a low one day...one glorious 80 degree sunny day feeling not suicidal but just not seeing one good thing in my life and wishing I just did not exist. On another going to the mall and spending $3000.00 in clothes only to give them to neighbors within the following month. Manic spending moving to spending because I was depressed and just wanted something...I would pray for God to please stop the thoughts...there were times that I thought I was loosing my mind. Once I went to the grocery store and couldn't remember why I was there.

Then there was the relationship that I totally destroyed..it totally was sabotaged with my highs and lows. It took 4 years to end but it sadly did end. I think back now on it and I feel so regretful but I understand what happened and I just somehow want to tell him one day how sorry I am. Who knows maybe he will read this.

Being Bi-polar is a horrible thing until it is controlled..and it can be controlled...it is the diagnosis that is difficult friends. Understanding manic depression is the first step to a better living. I am now on medication to stabilize my highs and lows and feel better than I have in my entire life. The extremes are gone and I feel like a new person. I can for the first time count and trust my judgment.

I would like to recommend the following link for anyone that would like to know more about coping with a manic depressive.
http://www.livingmanicdepressive.com/