My Experience with an Emotionally Needy Boarding School Student

Amy (name changed) was one of the students at a private boarding school for wayward kids where my husband and I had worked for about a year. When I'd first met her, Amy was thirteen, and she was what I would describe as emotional vampire. That girl was extremely needy, she craved attention as nobody else I'd ever seen before. She clung to staff, always looking for sympathy, wanting to talk, to share something, to ask a question. I had noticed that teachers and other staff would often put a quick end to that, and I pitied her. Soon enough I had learned the reason of the staff's seeming cold-heartedness: no matter how much time you spent with Amy, no matter how much attention you gave her, she would never be satisfied. It was never enough. She would suck you dry and go to the next person.

Amy's story was a sad one. She knew nothing about her parents. She was placed in a foster home at a very early age, probably when she was still a baby. When she was about three, her foster mother had adopted her. Unfortunately, the lady was not in good health, and her health continued to decline. Several years later she died. Her husband, Amy's adoptive father, had quickly remarried, and his new wife did not want Amy around. The girl was sent away to the boarding school.

Such history made all that clinging understandable, but no easier to deal with. Like all other students, Amy had counselors available to her, and I was told she had made some progress. However, what I saw was that the poor soul tended to store her problems inside instead of getting rid of them. Things worked through with one teacher or counselor she would unload on another. When they both told her the issue was talked over and done with, she carried it to me, my husband, or any other new person she could find. She did not want the issues dealt with and gone; she wanted to be listened to and sympathized with. She was smart about it, too. I swear she kept a mental logbook of what problems she had discussed with whom, and she wouldn't bother you with the same thing twice - unless there was some new development to the problem.

I admit, I did not know how to behave with this girl. I sincerely liked her and wanted to help, but I couldn't. I was not a teacher or counselor, and I had little previous experience with kids and teens. If a kid comes to me with a problem, all I can do is listen and try to understand, and then offer whatever comfort I can. This had made me a perfect victim for Amy. When I look back at our times with her, I have very mixed feelings about them. On one hand, I'm glad I cared and didn't run her off; on the other hand, I'm not sure all my caring did her any good, long term.