My First Mother's Day Without Mom
And Missing Her So
It really is true what they say, you know? About telling someone that you love them, I mean, and about giving them a kiss or hug and telling them what they mean to you while you can. You never want to wake up and realize your chance is gone. I am lucky in that regard, because Mom slipped away from us gradually. That once vibrant woman who walked everywhere, bowled and loved to dance, became house bound and then chair bound, until finally she was ready to take flight with the Angels by her side.
During those last few weeks, my sister, brother, daughter and I spent time with her almost every day, "watching" TV, even though her macular degeneration had almost completely taken her vision; or telling her about our day, even though she could only join in the conversation with a "Yeah, yeah", because her stroke limited her speech to just a few words.
I brought the book, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" and read to Mom during the last few days, not sure if she would be able to understand the storyline in her condition. As I read, sometimes Mom was very still, and I'd think she was sleeping, but then she'd rally in response to something I'd read and say, "Yeah, yeah". I would try to understand what she was in agreement with, and then I would read on. At the end of each chapter I would ask her if she wanted me to read more and she would say with enthusiasm, "Yeah!" So I would keep reading until I had to stop.
As I read the chapters in the book that described the amusement park where Eddie, the elderly ride mechanic, worked, Mom seemed to hold on to every word. It was almost as if she knew Eddie, or that particular park, which she didn't, of course. I think the story took her back to a time and place when she was young, and she didn't want it to end. So, maybe it's a good thing that I ran out of time to read the whole book to her.
During those last weeks, I got to tell my Mom how much I loved her, and what a great Mom she had been to me; and only a few days before her passing, after Hospice had told me the time was drawing close, I cried and told her I was going to miss her terribly. Not sure if she could even hear my words, I asked her to please look over me once she got to her Heavenly home. I guess she could, because she agreed with a faint "Yeah" and then said "I love you, too". Even though I knew what was coming, her last day was the hardest day of my life, and continues to be.
I know that this story is not unique, except for one important thing: this story is about my Mom. I feel so lucky to have gotten this woman as the Mother who taught me about love and kindness, about working hard and doing my best, about cooking and being organized, and all those other little things in life that are so important. I have many good memories to escape to when I need that, but it doesn't change the fact that the one person who loved me unconditionally with all her heart, no matter what, is gone from this Earth. It is hard to describe the caverness hole that is left, now that she is gone. There will never be another person that loves me like Mom did.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I know you are watching over me. I'm celebrating this day in your memory.
In loving memory of Norma Florence Edwards (August 3, 1920 to February 6, 2010)
Published by Jan Peterson
Jan worked for thirty years in banking and has been writing songs for over fifteen years. You might find her name in the songwriting credits of many independent and major motion pictures. She s always loved... View profile
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6 Comments
Post a CommentJan: I cried reading your Mother's Day article. Aren't memories wonderful. I told Mom I was the luckiest girl in the world having her for a Mom. Love you!
Very touching,thanks for sharing
Very moving article. Thank you for sharing it!
This was very touching Jan! I'm sure that somehow she knows how you feel. Great tribute to Norma!
Jan,
That was so beautiful, it made me cry. You have such precious memories which you keep tucked in your heart as well as your mind. I'm sure she's watching over you. You are a wonderful person and I'm proud to be your friend. :)
It doesn't matter how many people have lost their mothers. You captured how very unique and special each mother is, particularly to those who knew and loved her. My mother is nearing the end of her life so I read your words very carefully, crying. It seems impossible to imagine her gone but you've made me realize that it is an experience many of us face, at some point in our lives. I hope I have your strength.