My Grandmother's Neighbor

My trip to the central Pennsylvania woods--the half-deep woods-- was an experience I won't forget...my Forestry Merit Badge requirements demanded I get some scat tracks. I know of foxes, squirrels, raccoons, and the typical varmints as hunters would call them. But as I neared the trail to the woods I saw a mysterious sweat-suited figure who caught my eye and my nose. He smelled of barbecued pork cooked over deciduous wood.

I sensed a mountain man visitation, though I would later find out the depth of the story. As I looked out my grandma's door to the outlet store I continued to see the hunched animal with clown-like feet: could this be the mysterious Big Foot of lore. Was that just a woven story or was this beast shopping for woven socks.

As I observed the hunch-like mystery-beast I noticed his socks were way too heavy for the early Fall weather...

Big Foot I surmised would have to remove the comfy, possibly too comfy socks because of the weight of them...they weren't too heavy by weight for the beasty boaster to wear. They were, though, in fact so heavy in wool content that the over-dressed mange of the hirsute hunch would induce fearful sweating.

What I surmised was in fact that the beast made an error in choosing the heavyweight socks...a better choice would have been the lightweight outer layer and perhaps a polypropylene wicking layer. I could see this supposed learned and slick beast made an error of the boastful nature. "Don't tell me" I could imagine BF saying to the salesperson at the Woolrich Outlet store. "Don't tell me" he said and repeated it many times in fact (as I pretended to shop nearby I heard) as if a mantra had been formed and solidified by repeating the Poe-like phrase.

The ravenously needy beast also went to the Woolrich Outlet store (in Woolrich, Pa.) to buy shoes. He chose the infamous Herman's Survivor Boots which are an interesting choice for such an animal that doesn't have time--reportedly--to stop and tie his shoes for that long. As I crept through the putrid wake of the beastful hunch I found an angle, though awkward and dimly lit to get a photo of the huncher getting fitted--in fact getting measured for shoes. Hunch-brains removed his too-big socks.

The smell of putrefied barbecued pork wafted and I unconsciously recoiled yetI quickly and with a smirk snapped a photo ...however, as is the custom of Big Foot sightings the picture was grainy and because of that it will be claimed by many people in the barbecueing community and will provide fodder for the still burning Big Foot supposed-controversy...it's no mystery to me and not to BF himself. He shops at the Woolrich Outlet Store!

He wears Size 13 and Size 13 Regular not wide as we might have expected...the heavy socks provided a deceiving profile of the mysterious hunched beast who as a matter of fact paid cash. He'll be hard to trace as we all know if in fact he does business that way.

The mystery is over, though: Big Foot who lives in the Appalachian Mountains of Clinton County in Pennsylvania wears size 13 shoes.

I guess that is a Big Foot story!

Resources:
Woolrich.com

Related Stories:
Tommy Hayfield Stories