My Husband's Affair

The day my husband confessed to having an affair was a day like any other. We had dinner, played with our baby, made love, and talked about the upcoming move into our new house. Things were normal...or so I thought.

It has been said that confession is good for the soul, and I'm sure it was a mighty release for him when he said, "I have something to tell you." He pulled me close as we lay in the darkness, and I can't say what I was expecting. I know for certain that I wasn't expecting the words that came next. "I want to come clean with you before we move into the new house. While you were pregnant, I had an affair with a woman at work. It was only sex. (After all, you never felt like doing it when you were pregnant). I felt really bad about it, and I ended it a couple of months ago. But my guilt has been driving me crazy. I love you, but will understand if you want me to leave."

I could feel my heart drop to my knees, and I suddenly couldn't breathe. My husband of 5 years...my Christian husband, had done something I would never have imagined him doing. I turned from him, not wanting to feel any part of him touching me. Tears began to flow, and I was in total shock. He tried to plead with me, but my only reply was, "Leave me alone."

My mind was racing. My heart was broken. I wanted to push him far away, but was afraid he would run back to her. I wanted to pull him near, but visions of him touching another woman made me physically ill. I wanted to know nothing about her. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know nothing about their time together. I wanted to know every intimate detail of their time together.

His burden was lifted as he released his guilt, while I slowly turned into an obsessive, anxious, jealous wreck. I hated the woman I was turning into, and I hated him for telling me. After all, the affair was over and had been for awhile. Why tell me? To release his guilt and heap the pain upon me? In my eyes, that was selfishness to the maximum degree.

I turned into the kind of woman I swore I would never be. I checked his wallet for phone numbers and motel receipts. I made my 5 year old go with him everywhere since I was unable to go with the baby. Even if my 5 year old cried and begged not to go, I would cry and plead and make him go anyway. It was a pitiful display.

Why did I stay? For several reasons. I loved him. I know he loved me. I knew he was truly sorry for his mistake. Also the way I found out about the affair played a part in my decision to stay. He confessed to me after he had long ended the affair. Had I found out any other way, the outcome may have been very different. Also, I knew that he had not loved the woman. Why would I let a sexual relationship with another woman destroy the love and life we had shared for the past 5 years?

This happened 23 years ago. Today we have been married for 28 years. Am I glad he told me about the affair? At the time I wasn't, but now I am. His confession helped me to gage his honesty and see him as a human being rather than a man on a pedestal...which is how I had viewed him previously. It showed me that we can work through our problems. In a strange way, it helped me to trust him more in the long run. I know if he has an affair, he will tell me.

If I ever have an affair, would I tell him? No. I couldn't bear knowing that I was causing him that kind of pain. I still remember what it felt like. And quite honestly, I'm not sure he would be as forgiving as I was.

Is confession good for the soul or the ultimate act of selfishness? Every person needs to judge for himself. The effects will be long lasting.