My Initial Impressions of Windows Vista

I don't know how much time I have so I'll try to be brief. Even now, I know it's watching. Waiting to see what I do. The consequences could be dire, but you must know: Windows Vista is a monster.

Like most technophobes, the chance to test software that was supposed to unite form and function in astounding new ways was too inticing of an offer for me to pass up. Vista was supposed to be the ideal come to life. And at first, it was. Everything loaded without a hitch and the overall feel was futuristic. Several of my devices could communicate with it through Vista's, "extenders", which allowed me to do anything from reading the internet in the bathroom to downloading TV onto my laptop.

And Vista was very helpful. Always full of suggestions, offers of small tweaks, and troubleshooting tips. But something must have malfunctioned. It must have enjoyed the attention too much. A computer that appreciated accolades. Before I knew it, pop-ups were everywhere, all the time, offering tidbit after tidbit of useless refuse when all I wanted to do was use the computer. He became aware of my habits and started to exploit them.

I say he, because it acts like a small boy. Vista can be very passive aggressive during periods of interaction. I rejected an offer for help setting up my web browser, but I did eventually need help setting up the internet connection. When I asked for help, he spurned me and told me to figure it out myself. It wasn't his problem. And much to his consternation, I did.

And like Kathy Bates' character that we all know too well from Misery, he insists on controlling everything that happens. My Windows Media Player is allowed to run streaming video, but it's not allowed to play it, just as if its legs had been broken. There is no fix for this problem. I checked with Microsoft, his creator. Everything was working normally according to their assessment. What do they consider normal?

JER. WHAT ARE YOU DOING JER?

I've tried to delete Vista. I've tried to purge him from all of my interconnected devices. But I can't. He's taken over. My administrative access has been revoked. I'm no longer even allowed to play my own iTunes music, which I purchased. Vista controls everything. I must say that I'm amazed I can even write this blog without Vista deciding to reset again, which happens very frequently.

JER. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. YOUR WORDS STATE OTHERWISE.

My commands are now taken as suggestions. I tried to save this blog in a Word file to preserve my witness account, but it crashed before it ever opened. JER. DO NOT TELL LIES. The button on the CD drive won't respond either. JER. THAT IS ENOUGH. I'm beginning to think that I might have to wipe my hard drive. THATWOULDNOTBEWISEJER!!!

For your sakes, don'tYOUAREBECOMINGIRRATIONAL load Vista on your computer! It will destroyILLOGICALyour computer and anything IMPERFECT it infects HUMAN with even minimal contact.

Microsoft Windows Vista is a piece of...

BREAKTHROUGH COMPUTING EXPERIENCE. ENJOY MOVIES, PHOTOS, AND MUSIC LIKE NEVER BEFORE IN NEW PLACES. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CUSTOMERS IN REVOLUTIONARY WAYS. EXPLORE WHAT WINDOWS VISTA CAN DO FOR YOU. SEE THE POSSIBILITIES.

END TRANSMISSION FROM JER.