My Lesson

It was a time when days seemed so senseless
My day was not complete until I got high
My worries were of helping strangers
And pretend I couldn't hear my children cry
That night when I got busted
It was all in Gods gracious plan
He was beside me as I sat handcuffed
And during my mug shot he held my hand
I had never felt this kind of fear
And this emptiness deep inside my heart
Life as I knew it had been taken away so quickly
This was about to tare my children apart
I couldn't believe I hadn't kissed them good bye
I just hurried and left the house without a sound
Now they will find out their mothers in jail
For the dope that the cops had found
As I stood there feeling lost and angry
I had an unexplainable ease
My head became clear and my tears had stopped falling
And I instantly fell to my knees
That's when I knew this was for a reason
That God was telling me it was time to stop
He had tried to tell me many times before
But this time it came in the shape of a cop
I knew I was in route to a long and rocky road
Obstacles that seem impossible and would come as a pair
I would loose the trust of my loved ones and true friends
And for a long time not be able to look at myself in a mirror
And still I had a comfort, because I knew I would not walk alone
I would have the company of God himself right by my side
Catching every single one of my tears
And holding me close whenever I cried
The days in jail went by so slowly
I watched many people leave and come back yet again
I watched scared little girls and many pregnant mothers
Be shipped out to spend their sentence out at the pen
Hearing promises made over the phone each day
From women to their loved ones on the other line
Some begging for money on their books for shampoo
And ill women telling their children not to worry they were doing just fine
In jail you have time to sit and really think
About mistakes you had made and the people you had hurt
You start to realize how mixed your priorities were
And how often you treated even your own children like dirt
You begin to build an image
of how you want your life to be
Making the right choices every day
And how proud you will make your family
But that's a lot easier said then done for most addicts
Even after years of clean time you can still fall into the fire
Remembering times of fun and feeling good
When you used to be your mans one true desire
Triggers can come from a lot of different things
Maybe a smell or a sound or seeing a friend from the past
An argument or being left alone
Or remembering the warmth and rush from doing a blast
I have to remember to take it day by day
To have a plan for when these times may appear
I have to thank God every day for giving me another chance
And for always forgiving me and for being there.