My Letter to Hollywood, Regarding Marriage and Divorce

I am writing to you today regarding your marriage and divorce habits, and asking you to cease and desist. As you may have heard, through your manager or publicist, the divorce rate in the US is currently around 50%. At least half of these can be attributed to you, our actors and performers. For the sake of the nation, please stop.

Tell me, is it considered trendy to make a mockery of marriage? Or do you honestly go into these relationships expecting success. Third time's a charm? Or maybe eighth, Liz Taylor? Do you not realize that yes, you do have demanding schedules, and no, you will not get to see each other all that often? Is it the constant struggle you both feel to be in the limelight that results in one home--oh who are we kidding, three homes--and the bonds of matrimony not being able to contain the two of you?

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate your efforts in forming marriages instead of always just sleeping around with each other. But come on, do you ever think? Was it really so smart, Renee Zellweger, to run off to St. John and marry Kenny? Sure you got an annulment instead of divorce, but maybe if you had spent a little more time in preparation, you would have discovered earlier whatever "fraud" you found after marriage. As for you, Britney Spears, I cannot even begin to comprehend marrying K-Fed, while his ex was pregnant with his child, no less. Use your brains, and try to refrain from complete impulsiveness. It doesn't seem to work in your favor.

While you are using your brains and not acting impulsively, could you try to refrain from the sleeping around also? Because apparently ya'll have forgotten about birth control. Or perhaps you just feel you are too rich and famous for your cells to meet and fertilize, just like us common folk. So Jen and Ben (the second Jen, that is), Katie and Tom, and maybe Brad and Angelina (I have difficulty keeping up with your rumors these days), you get pregnant, and get married, which is great. But are your nuptials going to last under the strain and pain of Hollywood living? Then you have a poor potentially screwed up kid to worry about. And that's not even considering the awful names these dear little ones have to bear.

So, in closing, while I do appreciate the entertainment of tabloid headlines while waiting in line at the grocery store, I truly think this nation would be better off without ya'll as our marriage role models. Look to your own Hollywood examples of Bob Hope and Delores DeFina, and Bill Cosby, and find a good marriage counselor. Do it for the kids, do it for the public, or just do it for yourselves. Only you can prevent rampant divorce.

Signed,
Kate Nobody