My Life as a Fat Girl

I have been overweight my entire life and never really saw it as a problem. I was always the fat girl. My mom reminded me the other night that I once told her that she was the one worried about my weight not me. The sad part is how true that statement really was. Being fat was my comfort zone. I hid behind my weight for most of my life and to a certain extent I still do.

Being fat helped me hide what was really going on inside me. People don't try to get to know fat people like they do other people. I was never the beauty queen or the athlete. I was comfortable being the fat funny girl that most people liked. I didn't have to stress over whether a guy was going to ask me out, because I already knew that wasn't going to happen. And I was okay with that. I didn't like who I was so it was easy for me to use my weight to keep others from getting close enough to know me.

Now that didn't mean that I didn't want to be loved as a teenager because I did. But boys never wanted me as their girlfriend they just wanted sex. It was okay to have sex with the fat girl cause no one would ever have to find out. But dating the fat girl would be too embarrassing. So I fell in love with the first guy that actually paid attention to me which wasn't a good thing. He was controlling and abusive and yep you guessed it, I still married him. I would do it all over again though because my two beautiful children came from that relationship.

So today I am 38 and still a fat girl with low self-esteem. Things that have happened in my life in the last year have made me look inside myself and try to figure some things out. I was put into a position where I had to take on things that I would never have thought that I could. I DID IT and that made me see that I am not the worthless person that I always felt like I was. I was actually proud of myself for the first time in my life. Facing some of my fears has shown me that there is so much more out there that I WANT to accomplish.

I am sharing my story because I am sure there are others out there that can relate. Hopefully they will read this and see that they are not alone. I am working to make many changes in my life but I am not trying to change who I am. For the first time in my life I am working to be who I really am and I have to say that I kind of like myself. Today I am still a fat girl, but I am a fat girl that is working to become healthier both physically and mentally.