My Life as a Single Mother

Jim and I met each other at work and we started hanging out together. I thought he was very funny, laid back, and I liked the fact he could dance. He had been married before with 3 children who also lived with him, but I didn't mind. We were together off and on for 3 months. We took this casual relationship to the next step and started to become intimate. We got a little drunk one night and I ended up getting pregnant with our daughter, Heather. I found out for sure when I was already 3 weeks pregnant. During these 3 weeks, our relationship was going downhill. He was interested in someone else. I told him I was pregnant, and he was the father. He proceeded to tell me he wanted proof that this was the case. He said he was seeing someone and didn't want to tell her, if the baby wasn't his. I found out four months later his girlfriend was having his baby.

I had my daughter, Heather, and four months later, we went to court for a paternity test. Jim saw Heather for a few seconds as we passed him to have the test done. It didn't seem he was interested in her. It was confirmed that Jim was Heather's biological father, and child support was set up. The next time I talked to Jim it was a year after our daughter was born. His girlfriend called me to find out information for health insurance purposes. I called him later and told him he needed to call me about Heather next time. He said OK, and he said he was getting time off for Christmas and wanted to spend time with Heather. He also said that his other children were interested in meeting their sister. I said OK and told him to call me and let me know what day. He never called.

I called him a month later and wanted to know what happened. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in her life. I told him that it was up to him. I proceeded to tell him that, regardless of the decision he makes, Heather would be well cared for and very loved by my family. If he did decide he didn't want to be in our daughter's life, he would have to answer to God and Heather. I told him I didn't want this to linger any longer. I told him I would give him a couple of days to think about it , even though he has had a year. I thought I would give him another chance to do the right thing. I told him I would call him for his decision. A couple of days later I called Jim and asked him if he had made a decision. He said he decided the answer was no. I said OK, but inside I was angry, sad, and I felt guilty because I thought that maybe it was my fault. I told him he was going to regret it someday and that this was goodbye, and I hung up the phone.

My daughter Heather is now 6 years old and still has not met her father. She has since thought of her grandpa as her dad, and that makes me happy. It also makes me a little sad. I try to be both mother and father to my daughter, but it's not the same. I think Heather senses this and secretly wishes she had a dad. Especially when she sees how much fun her cousin has when he plays with his dad. I couldn't go through another day not knowing if maybe I could make my daughter's life happier by finding her father and reuniting them. I decided I had to try one more time. I knew that Jim had a daughter Jennifer that should be a teenager, by now. I realized what better way to reach her then through MySpace. It worked! I found Jennifer's homepage and sent her a message stating who I was. If she wanted to see a picture of her half-sister I told her she could leave me a message, and I would put one up on my homepage. She was very excited to hear from me. Later, she told me she thought her sister was beautiful. She decided to print it out so she could show her dad. I was a little nervous wondering what he would say.

I received Jennifer's message on MySpace and she told me that when she showed her father the picture, he started to cry. She continued to tell me that he had also said that she was beautiful and if at all possible, would like to meet Heather. I was very happy to hear this revelation. I thought, my daughter may not have to go through life without a father. She won't have to go through the pain of seeing other children with their father or be teased because she doesn't have her father in her life. I then typed another message sending my phone number and told her to let him know he could call me and we could discuss it further.

Jim called the next day. He told me he wanted to be a part of her life now. He said he would have asked me a long time ago, but didn't because he was afraid I would say no. He knew that it wasn't a good excuse, but he wanted to makeup for it now. I told him that the reason I contacted him was because I didn't want our daughter to suffer for our mistakes. If I could make her life better by taking the first step, then it would all be worth the effort. He said he was very grateful for the chance to to be a father to our daughter. I told him we would take things slow at first maybe a couple hours on every other weekend. He said that it was fine.

Stay tuned in to my next article when father and daughter meet for the first time.