My Mac and Me: What I Would Change About This Practically Perfect Product

You have not experienced true joy until you have owned your first Macintosh. With a smooth operating system, sleek design, creative and consumer friendly software, and overall pleasant and virus-free demeanor, it is no wonder why many Mac users spend more time with their Mac than with their spouses or children.

Improving a Mac is akin to improving the Mona Lisa or a Van Gogh. However, having been an avid Macophile for the last several years, I do admit that there are a few changes I would make to my Macintosh.

The Macintosh Masseuse
Each and every Mac should come with a shoulder pad extension that gauges how much tension the Mac user feels as he or she is working on their Mac. The Mac Masseuse would adjust vibrations depending on the amount of tension in the neck and shoulders. An added Mac feature would be a plug-in for i-Tunes that would allow the Mac Masseuse to play songs based on your stress levels and mood. For headaches caused by sheer exhaustion, the Mac Masseuse would automatically switch to the Mac Cold Compress function, becoming cold and applying slight pressure to the base of the neck for headache relief.

The AI Macintosh Therapist
Each Mac should come with its own Artificial Intelligence Mac Therapist. The AI Mac Therapist would be able to scan your body's bio signals and assess if your frustration levels are mounting, if you are in an angry Facebook chat with a coworker, or if you just read a break-up e-mail. Based on your moods and stress levels, a small window would open offering you an opportunity to consult with your AI Mac Therapist. Special anger management program allowances would occur when the computer freezes or crashes. The AI Mac Therapist will offer a listening ear, give you rational suggestions in a soothing voice, and attempt to lower any elevated stress levels, with all responses based on complex algorithms based on typical human behavior.

The Deluxe Macintosh Comfort Couch Computer Station
What would be more wonderful than a Mac computer station that came with its own comfortable recliner? I can think of nothing else. The Deluxe Mac Comfort Couch Computer Station would encompass all that is Mac in the cushiony comfort of a couch. The Mac Masseuse, i-Tunes plug-ins, and even built-in alarm clock would allow each Mac user to work, relax, play, and sleep, all without ever leaving their Mac Station except to use the restroom or grab a bite to eat. Some models would allow for a built-in waste management system and microwave plug-ins, further eliminating any reason for the Mac user to leave the comforts of their Mac Comfort Couch Computer Station except for death, at least until Macintosh invents the handy Mac i-Live Suite - a special update to the Deluxe Mac Comfort Couch Computer Station which includes a computer activated AED Defibrillator and 911 Activator.