My Mistakes in Caring for African-American Girls' Hair

Firstly, a bit of disclosure to my readers: I am African-American and female. Now for a bit of honesty: I am terrible when it comes to caring for my two daughter's hair. I admit to being clueless when it came to hair. When I was little, I didn't have any female family members or friends to practice doing hair in. The stereotypical image of young black girls doing hair on the front porch or stoop or having aunts and grandmothers taking turns on the girls in the family did not apply to me. My mom was pretty clueless too and I guess she passed this on to me. In these articles, I'll lay down the truth about the stupid mistakes I made when my girls were young and the ones I still do today. Hopefully someone can avoid my pitfalls.

My first mistake when my daughters were toddlers and preschoolers, I had the mindset that my daughter's kinky hair was somehow different than my own. I didn't think of their heads as little versions of mine. I didn't realize that they weren't babies anymore with simple little curls that only needed some brushing and moisture. I remember a friend of mine 'schooled' me on this when she found out what I was doing. I would wash their hair with Dark and Lovely's Beautiful Beginnings Conditioning Shampoo in the bathtub, comb it through, put it in a ponytail, and then let it air dry in two puffballs sitting atop their heads. After this I'd send them off to a friend I used to (and still do) pay to braid their hair only to repeat the process as needed. It just never sank in why the friend that did their hair used to use the blow dryer on their hair even though it was dry. She never told me that their hair was in such bad shape when she got them and I never stayed to witness her doing their hair. She didn't complain about how they acted. (I know they didn't give her as much trouble as they did me.) The blow dryer helps immensely in straightening the tangles out. I am actually cringing as I'm thinking about the hardship I put myself and them through.

They cried a lot unnecessarily because their hair was so nappy from the combination of not using a good quality conditioner and blow dryer with a comb attachment. Duh, that's what happens to me if I let mine air dry. My friend told me that I needed to wash their hair and condition it. Next, let the conditioner sit in their hair with a plastic cap, then rinse out. I couldn't just leave it in for 5 minutes like the jar says either. She suggested that my daughters needed some extra time, especially, the one with the thickest hair and tender scalp. She suggested 45 minutes, which I grudgingly followed. In other words, the same steps I take with my own hair, I needed to do with them. She also recommended that I use Motions Oil Moisturizer Deep Penetrating Silk Protein Conditioner. After washing the conditioner out, she told me to blow dry their hair with a comb attachment (like mine again). Not just any blow drying would do either. She took the time to sit down with my daughter and show me step by step how to blow dry it.

I couldn't believe the difference the extra TLC did for my girls' hair manageability! That conditioner was simply amazing, so much so that I started using it myself. I borrowed some of hers and I quickly went out to buy some more. Suddenly, that comb was gliding through and no more tears! Another side note is I discovered that I was using a comb that wasn't suitable to comb their hair after washing. I needed to use a wide tooth comb initially, then switch to a finer tooth comb as I worked my way through the hair. Also, that rattail comb I hated to use because of its potential hazard to stab someone (it happened before) needed to make a comeback to make parting neater and easier. I had to take the time to painstakingly divide their thick hair into small sections using ponytail holders, put some grease on each section, comb it with the smaller comb, then blow dry. Also, as some parts would start to dry, I needed to use a spray bottle with water to wet that hair. This helps prevent tangles from forming. This process needed to be repeated several times until I finished her hair completely.

If you're thinking, wow, that's a lot of work, you're right. It was a long drawn out process and I still to this day hate to do it. It's easier now that my younger daughter (the one with the thickest hair and tender scalp) now has a perm in her hair. Even with all the TLC hair treatment, she just couldn't take it and neither could I.

Also, something I still grapple with today is the fact that I tend to forget to comb the permed one's hair on a regular basis. My mind is still slow to catch on that she doesn't have braids anymore that can go without maintenance for awhile. The main reason is that I have no idea what to do with that head of straightened hair after its washed and blow dried. Even if I have an idea, the means to execute the plan turn into a mess. Just because it's easy to comb with no tears, I'm still at a loss. I'm always apologizing to my daughters for being unfortunate to have such a klutz of a mom that is all thumbs with hair.

Can you blame me that I was so excited to learn that my third child was a boy?