My Mom - Through the Eyes of Her Teenage Daughter

My mother and I aren't close at all. We only talk to each other, when we're stuck in the same car with nothing else to do. Mom always says that if I want to talk about anything troubling me, all I have to do is leave a little note by her desk. I never do, because I have closed my mind off to the idea of her ever understanding my life. Bottom line, I don't respect her, so I don't seek out her opinion for anything.

For one, mom's computer illiterate. If I hinted that I was involved in a long-distance relationship, she would freak out and get dad to ban me from the Internet (she has no power on her own, as far as I'm concerned). There is no way that she could relate to my situation. Of course, this frustrates me, because, like most people, I do want to have a good relationship with her. It would make the atmosphere at home much more inviting. Maybe I wouldn't distance myself from her if I thought she could understand me. She can't, however, so I have given up on her. I realize that I'm not being very fair to her. She gives me countless chances to pick up after I have "let her down", not contributing to the family by looking after my eight (going on nine) siblings/being the perfect Catholic girl she thought I was/being more than just a good student... "Chris, you never talk to me," says mom. I shrug it off.

Mom is just too old-fashioned in her thinking, and many times I feel like she doesn't know how to think for herself at all. She merely tags along with whatever dad believes in, even if pictures show that she wasn't conservative as a kid and that she's probably unhappy with her boring role as a mere housewife now. (She used to dance at parties with her many socialite friends, as opposed to my bookish, introverted father. She also put up a pre-school with my aunt, but my father asked her to close it down, when they had four kids. He wanted her to have time for us, so she did it.) I think that having a large family limited my mom, but that was her choice, and she now lives with it. I just wish I didn't have to feel responsible for her children (my siblings), being the second eldest. I don't know if mom is happy. She probably is because of her naiveté. She doesn't realize how oppressed she is by my father and how much she could do on her own. Perhaps she enjoys the dictatorship, because it gives her an excuse to be dumb. Honestly, mom does not strike me as intelligent, even if I know that she is well traveled and should have a more worldly view. I guess I can blame this on her dyslexia, which affects her memory and attention span. She misses out on a lot of details that people like me give value to, and she comes across as air-headed and slow.

Mom and I are very different. I sing opera, while she is tone-deaf. I am a serious student, while she was an average under-achiever. She had a social life; I do not. She thinks in an abstract way, while I think more practically. She gives people the benefit of the doubt, while I close my mind to their faults.

Our only common characteristics are negative! We are overly passionate about everything. We are emotional, irrational, hot-tempered, impatient and sensitive. We are highly intuitive people, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes us incomprehensible to others. We also share the habit of spacing out in the middle of conversations. We like to bite off more than we can chew, but unfortunately, we are horrible at multitasking. If someone were to talk to us, while we were talking to another on the phone, we would miss out entirely on whatever the person was saying. Considering that most of my bad characteristics come from her, you must understand why I resent her. I wish I had a mother who I could be proud of and look up to. More than anything, I think that I avoid communicating with her because I fear growing up to be like her.

Of course, sometimes I feel like maybe she could understand me and that I could get along with her fine, but then I remember that confiding in her would mean confiding in dad, the source of close-mindedness in the family. She couldn't possibly keep my secrets from him, so I do spare her the trouble by shutting up.

I want to grow up to be an independent, working, woman. I would love to have a family of my own someday, but I fear that I will make an awful mother. Most people turn out to be like their parents eventually.

My mother does love me, though. I know that for sure. I may not understand her ways, but then again, she doesn't understand mine either. I think it will stay that way.

***Note added 3/12/06: Mom is a good mother. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. I have realized that I tend to be jealous of her, because she has the security of marriage and a husband who loves her. So what if she's not the brightest person on the planet? She has a good heart and means well.