My Mother the Hero

When I was young my mother had always looked out for me. She was even there for me during my most trying times as a teenager. So when it came to her needing me the most I wanted to be there as best as I could, I wanted to help her. In this particular case I could not. In 1991 she was diagnosed with breast cancer at a high stage. At the time I needed to be there for her. I felt so lost and helpless. Here is the woman that has helped me through so much when I was younger and I could not help take this pain from her. I felt useless. Days would go on and on, as she would deal with the fact she had a single breast mastectomy. All I could do was hold her hand as I watched the fear enter her eyes before she would have to go in for radiation treatment. I tried to remain strong as I saw this woman so full of life before, become so frail. After the initial radiation and chemo treatments she experienced, the tiredness she felt was overwhelming.

I was living outside the home with my boyfriend at the time and would come over as much as I could. To this day I feel awful about not being there as much as I should have. The relationship I had with this man was abusive and I was wrapped up in the self-doubt and trying in some not real way to work things out with him. I lost so much self-confidence with that relationship; I also, lost focus with what was really important. The really important part of all this was my mom she needed me the most. I should have been there more than I was. However, after the relationship was over and I moved back home to gather myself together and find out what I needed to do next I became so much more into myself it was not funny. Once again I became selfish. As my mother welcomed me back with open arms and there to support me, I became lost in my own little world without a care in the world. But no matter what I did my mother was there.

I look back at that time period with regret. As my foolishness dragged past the time I could have been there for her. She did go into remission. It was at that time I made a choice I would never let my actions show that way again. We have been really close since that choice was made. I even am married now with children, her grandchildren that she adores now. My mother has influenced me in the way I help to raise my children with my husband. I want them to share in the knowledge of what she has given love, strength, wisdom and me. She is my hero, my inspiration and the person who will always show me the better side of things.