My Musical Rite of Passage

I'm approaching my 38^th birthday, and while emailing a friend of mine about a funny email I got from a social networking site reminding me of my own birthday, I got to thinking about past birthdays and how my view of aging has transformed over the years. When I was a young kid in elementary school, I thought on some level like most kids that I would always be a kid, not grasping the idea that my parents had once been kids themselves and grown up into adults. At about 13 I couldn't wait to be 16 because in Pennsylvania that is the magical age where some kids get to learn to drive and can begin to get their driver's license. Due to circumstances in my life I didn't get my driver's license until just before my 28^th birthday, so that was one rite of passage I was kind of delayed in reaching, but not everyone gets that privilege at the same time and there are some who never get it, so for me the timing however long it seemed to take to arrive was right for me. As a teen, I then couldn't wait to turn 21 because in Pennsylvania that is the legal drinking age. Then for awhile after I reached 21 it seemed like I had reached all the monumental age related rites of passage for what seemed like an eternity to me. My 28^th birthday was cool, because I was celebrating passing my driver's test and getting my license, but 30 was sort of depressing in a way, and it wasn't so much the age, but because somewhere around age 29 or 30, I was listening to the oldies show on the local radio station enjoying the songs that I learned to appreciate because it was what my parents listened to when I was a kid, when a song came on that I had listened to in junior high school. To be honest I don't remember what song it was, but I do remember bursting into tears when I heard it come over the airwaves. Now as I look back, I kind of chuckle about my response to the realization that the music I listened to in Junior high and even senior high was now being aired on a station licensed for adult contemporary from what I knew at the time, and of all things I was hearing a song that was top 40 when I was a teen but it was now on the oldies show. Yes, I was truly devastated. My response that I now look back and kind of chuckle about was to grab the phone and with tears streaming down my face, I called my Mom of all people, and told her what had happened, hoping for a sympathetic shoulder to mourn the true end of my life as a young adult and the beginning of what I thought was the dreaded middle age. My Mom listened quietly as I rambled about what seemed like something equivalent to the end of my life as I knew it, and then when I ran out of things to say she chuckled and said "so?" My Mom is normally a very caring person, and I think in all honesty she was somewhat amused at the idea I would be so deeply affected by hearing a song I heard as a teen now being played on the oldies show. To be honest I stopped dead in my tracks when she responded with that and couldn't think of anything else to say, but felt like I was laughed at by my Mom who had been listening to her teen music on the oldies show for years by this time, I said goodbye, hung up and went back to crying. Still devastated and not understanding why entirely just knew that somehow my life was different. Well, now as I approach inch my way towards 40, at the time of writing this my 38^th birthday is actually less then 24hours away. I actually feel like as I hear more and more music from my teen years being played on the oldies shows and stations, that in a way, I have made it through some weird sort of musical rite of passage. Not that it is a requirement or even some landmark age, but for me realizing that I'm now hearing more of the music that helped me survive my teenage years and I'm listening to these songs as an adult, I feel like for me the rite of passage was one of realizing that despite the anger, rage and all the other garbage I struggled with as I tried to fight everyone and everything around me as a teen, I can now listen to that same music and realize I not only survived being a teenager, but in many ways I have grown and hopefully come out a little stronger and wiser on the other side of the garbage, and like my Mom, music was one of the constants in my life that seemed to carry me through the rough spots. Despite my Mom laughing at my reaction to hearing my music on the oldies show, I have forgiven her for that and we now joke about it sometimes, but I feel like I've completed another leg of the journey through life and being able to listen to the music that carried me at times, is like recognizing my struggles and realizing I made it through a tough stretch. I can also see that things are better for me now than they were when I was a teen, though I still have a lot of struggles, the struggles are different, and in some ways easier because I had so much trouble surviving my teen years that now I feel like those songs I listened to as a teen are a sort of badge of courage I can wear proudly. Whether the rest of the world grasps the idea or not isn't something that really matters to me, because for me the knowing what I have accomplished as I listen to tunes from my teen years with adult understanding, it reminds me that I can overcome a lot despite what others may say or think, and music which has always been there for me reminds me not only of where I've been but maybe gives a hint as to where I'm going as I journey through life. I guess that if you are at the point where you are beginning to hear music you listened to as a teen and you are feeling bummed out and maybe struggling with the idea, just think of it as a small rite of passage that everyone goes through at some point whether they admit to it or not and as you age and mature, you may realize like I did just how far you've come in different areas of your life. Thank you Mom for laughing despite my devastation over time I learned something from that and I think it helped me appreciate you a little more.