My Name is Michael

Someone was knocking at the door. This Saturday started out like so many before. She woke up early to get busy cleaning the house. With music pouring out of her ten-year-old stereo, she worked her way around the room to the beat of the music. When she heard the knock at the door, she froze.

She was not dressed for company. She was dressed in her cleaning clothes, an old pair of sweat pants, a worn out tee shirt, and an oversized pair of yellow rubber gloves. With her hair piled up in a hair clip she was not ready to entertain company. Hoping that she would find one of her children she swung open the door. The moment the door parted and she saw him she froze. She knew that this stranger was not a stranger. Visions of her life passed through her mind.

For her, life began at seventeen. In love and pregnant, she marriedher only love. Her married life began with the sweetness of young love, and the joy of each other's company. It was not long after, her world would change. Her husband began drinking very heavily, and her life was filled with betrayal and violence. She bore three beautiful daughters while in this unhappy marriage. Finding herself afraid and unable to leave, she tried to make a difference. Her childhood did not prepare her for this. With no experience dealing with alcohol or abuse, she did not know how to handle her situation. It was several years before she realized that she had no power to change things.

Every waking day was filled with fear. Severely beaten many times and threatened with death on more than one occasion, she knew she must find a way out. Escape seemed impossible. Every attempt to leave was thwarted; he would take one of the children and threaten her to "come home or else". She had no choice but return.

After fifteen years, with help from her family, she got away. Hiding away in a rural town about 800 miles away, she managed to start a new life with her children. Afraid of shadows, and even more terrified of the dark, she went straight to work and home again. Her life began to take on new meaning when she met a wonderful man. He was very kind and treated her with respect. She did not realize how vulnerable her marriage had left her. Eager to have someone love her, she fell into love with this new man very quickly. It was a whirlwind romance. Her life seemed wonderful for almost a year; and then he found her.

One night, she awoke to the sound of pellets from a shotgun hitting the sides of the trailer she was living in with her children, aunt and uncle. Dragging her children to the floor away from the walls, she began to pray for everyone's safety. Eventually the sounds of the

shotgun ended. When the police arrived, they found no one outside; but she knew he was out there somewhere. She also knew he would take the children.

He called her the following day and told her that he would return if she did not come to him. Frightened for her family, she did as he told her. Life resumed the old pattern. Very soon she discovered she was pregnant. She knew it could not be her husband's child. Filled with fear, she told him.

Refusing to abort her child, she carried it full term. This was very

difficult, as the violence never ceased. She was constantly protecting the child within her body from his blows. Her husband promised that if she brought this child home it would not see its first birthday. She knew that her child would not be safe. The only alternative she had was adoption. She could not risk this evil man harming her child.

The day she delivered her child is one she will never forget. She remembers touching the long, delicate fingers of her baby boy. She remembers the nurse would not allow her to hold him for fear that she would love him. It was too late. She had loved him for so long already. She remembers drinking every inch of him up with her eyes. She knew that moment in time was all she would ever have of the child she loves so much.

Twenty-four years later, free of that awful marriage, she finds herself standing in her door peering at a young man. The words she has longed to hear fall on her ears as her mind returns to the present. "Hi, my name is Michael. I believe you are my Mother."