My Personal Victory Over Cigarette Addiction

As I sat in the smoke filled bar, my mind drifted. I was staring at the cigarette that was in my hand. This cigarette had controlled my life for the last 4 years. The cigarette had become my therapist. I turned to it every time things were bad.

Let me tell you, things have been bad. My divorce took 2 1/2 years to finalize, and I was buried under mounds of debt. The attorney bills were over 60K. My home value had disappeared. The real estate market had collapsed & not only was my home value in the dumps, but I had been selling real estate for a living. No wonder I needed a crutch.

My world had collapsed & I became an addict. I was not addicted to drugs, alcohol or sex. Sex might have been a better choice. I was completely addicted to cigarettes. If there had been a rehab center for smoking, I need an intervention. This addiciton had a grip on my very soul.

Continuing to stare at the cigarette in my hand, I decide it would be my very last smoke. I inhaled the cigarette with my eyes closed enjoying every last puff. This was a very personal decision, I decided not to tell anyone. I kept the pack of cigarettes in my purse, and I inserted my children's picture in the plastic wrapper the next morning.

As a daily reminder of my reasons to quit cigarettes, I wrote this letter to myself. Here it is:

"My son is worried about my health. My mother has emphysema. My grandmother died from lung cancer. My son had pneumonia & I still smoked in my bedroom. My daughter wants to come in my room to cuddle, but I am smoking so I don't let her in my room. My room is off limits it is the designated smoking area.

I leave my daughter's gymnastics practice & meet, birthday party, dance class......to be outside with a cigarette. The kids want me to bowl another game on the Wii, but I go outside to be with a cigarette. My daughter wants me to swing with her at the park, but I tell her to wait until I finish a cigarette. My boyfriend wants to hold my hand but instead it holds a cigarette.

My car smells like a cigarette. My bedroom smells like a cigarette. I smell like a cigarette. I am an addict. I can never ever take another puff off a cigarette no matter how stressed out I am about a divorce, child custody battle, attorney bills, money, relocation, job security........because I am an addict.

The cigarette & I parted our friendship for 8 years once before. The first 8 years of my son's life. I did not miss a goal at a soccer game, a hit at a baseball game, a swing at the park...... I cuddled with my son whenever he came in my room. I felt strong & healthy. I did not stand outside cold & alone with a cigarette. I took one puff in a weak moment & a cigarette was back in my life again stronger than ever before.

We have been back together for the past 4 years. Last Saturday Night November 29, 2008 I said good bye to an old friend......a cigarette. I knew it was my last cigarette. I said goodbye....old friend I am starting a new life right now. I have enjoyed your company for way too long. I am going to go enjoy my life, my kids, my family........... Goodbye."

This is how I finally quit smoking. I tried Chantix, but all it did was make my head race. I even tried the Ear Acupuncture. I smoked on the way home. The patches made my skin itch. I needed to be mentally prepared for the journey. After all those attempts, I finally quit cold turkey because I had won the mental game.