My Prison Journal by Paris

I can't believe I am in here, remind myself to fire what ever his name is that didn't tell me I couldn't drive. So bogus. At least they left me paper so I can write down my memories of this god forsaken place. These walls need paint. I wonder who slept in this cot, hopefully not OJ, I hate Fords. I really have to pee, but I feel like someone is watching me. I can hold it.
Love Paris

Day Two.

My god, I haven't slept all night. I am going to try and call my mom. I wonder if they have phone service here? I hate when my calls are dropped. "Hey! Can I get a Latte?" I don't know what is with these people, they don't even have Starbucks. My arm is getting itchy. I am not sure how to fix my hair, Rafael always does it for me. I don't see any hair stuff. Wow, that guard is hot. I wonder if I tied my blue shirt into a Daisy Duke Knot and let me bell button show, I could get a damn latte! My belly button is so hot. I really need to pee, but I will have to wait until night time so no one will see me.
Love Paris

Day Three.

I woke up with a really gnarly rash. I am calling my lawyer. I think there is something on that soap. I am telling my parents on my next phone call. I need a drink! This place is driving me crazy! I liked being frisked though, that was hot. that's it, I am out of here! I have to pee. Talk to you in the morning journal.
Love Paris

On Vacation.

Several days after I came back.

I finally got to go pee when I went home! Whew!

Damn it, I am back! I miss my pink fluffy robe. But you know what journal, my dad said when I get out I get to have a big party! I am going to invite so many people! Not that jerk that got me in here though. I will invite Gwen Stefani, she is my favorite person in the whole world, she's hot. Only the hottest people will be at my breaking out party. I am not inviting Nicole Richie though, she is on drugs, I won't have any criminals at my party. Good night.
Love Paris

The next day. ( I lost track of how many I am at now.)

I just got off the phone and someone offered me $1 million dollars for my story. I think I have finally found God. I think it was his way of letting me know he cares. $ million is a start, I might mention God in my interview with Barbara Walters, that should get me another million. I am really going to need a manicure, pedicure and new wardrobe for my new life. I am still deciding who to invite to my party, my dad needs the list soon. I was writing a song last night cause I couldn't sleep, the mattress is lumpy. Here is goes. " Smelly guard, Smelly guard, what are they feeding you?" I am not sure that it hasn't been used, my lawyer is checking on copy rights. That should make me some more money. I have to go make another phone call. I will write more tomorrow.

Love Paris.

End of Chapter One.