My Quest for Vengeance

In 1995, I took in four foster children who also happened to be my nieces and nephews. I tried as hard as I could not to get too attached because I thought that my sister would eventually get her act together and come back to re-claim her children. Some where I must have slipped up because those children became just as important to me as if they were mine biologically.

Time passed and the children grew into teenagers. There had been times that I would have gambled on a couple of them ever seeing their teen years and beyond but thank God I was wrong and would have lost those bets. I had made it a point to make sure that each one understood that I would not tolerate disrespect to any adult nor illegal activities on their part. They were quite aware that any kind of activity in which they were involved would have consequences and they would have to pay them. The youngest boy hooked up with his half-brother and could not seem to understand by complete disregard for the ways and actions of this person. He was offered a choice between what he knew was right and what he knew was wrong, he choose to follow his half-brother.

While working from my home, the youngest daughter received a phone call that her youngest brother had been found near the railroad track in our town with massive head injuries and was in the intensive care unit at one of the local hospitals. Frantically, she was running about the house and crying. I allow her to morn a little longer before sitting her down and having her plan her actions as far as visiting and conversations with him. I tried to prepare her for what she might see when she visits him and what to expect. When we went to visit this child, I had been silently trying to convince myself that vengeance was better left up to God and local law enforcement. I thought that I had been successful in this but that was before I laid eyes on him.

I got as much information from those who were there as I could and it seemed that I lost a little bit of time between talking to the people present, the police and the healthcare workers. I found myself behind the wheel of my car heading to the general area where they said that he had been found. I remember looking around the area because for some reason the area had not been preserved as a crime scene by the local authorities. I found myself asking questions to those who resided around that area and was able to collect pretty good information. My police training kicked in and away I went on this quest for vengeance.

The closer I got to those who knew quite a bit more about what happened to this child, the stronger my sense of vengeance got and the more determined I was to exact it. I found myself consumed with no other thought. The failure to meet up with those who would be able to give me the answers and satisfaction that I sought was probably my saving grace. As I drove back to the hospital where he was, other thoughts had time to creep in and as they did another vision was formed. The other vision was of the children still left to me to raise and the two youngest of mine whom needed their daddy in their lives not in prison. The other vision was deciding if those who harmed this child were really worth my time and effort and better yet my freedom. I decided to turn over what I had learned to the local detectives working the case and let it go from there. There will always be a part of me wanting vengeance and I don't think that will ever change but the better angel won out and I have to say, my kids, my family and I are the better for it. As previous experiences should have made clear to me early in this battle, revenge is never sweet and it settles nothing. The best revenge that I could get was to someday sit in that court room and look into the eyes of those who harmed him. Knowing that they will pay for their transgressions without me sacrificing the person that I am proud to have become.