My Review of Trojan Brand Ribbed Flavored Bubble Gum

FIRST PERSON | I like gum and I like to try new things. So, naturally, when I saw the box of Trojan Brand Ribbed flavored bubble gum, I had to give it a try. To be honest, it's not exactly the best experience. It seems only fair that I let my friends know what it's like before you spend your money. I'll try to be as objective as I can on such an unpleasant experience.

First, there's the price. Most other brands of bubble gum run upwards of $2.00, and you get a lot of pieces. Not this product. With sales tax and all, I spent more than $4.00, and there were only six pieces in the box. In their defense, the pieces were huge and individually wrapped, so I suppose the expensive packaging could justify the price.

Their marketing department is a bit sexist, too. When I saw the flavor was "Ribbed for her pleasure," I thought "Hey. I'm a guy, and I love ribs! I've even had turkey gravy flavored soda pop before, and thought it was unique. Why aren't these ribbed flavored for his pleasure too?" But, no problem. I get it that companies are really focusing on selling to the fairer sex more and more these days. I made my purchase to support them as a Renaissance Man of sorts.

I opened the first piece just as soon as I got outside. The pieces sure aren't shaped like any other gum I've ever seen before. But I thought they were pretty novel in packaging them so they're pre-wetted for us. Nothing's as terrible as dry gum when you're already thirsty, y'know.

All that fancy marketing, nifty packaging, and the high price seems for not, as soon as you pop the first piece in your mouth. They definitely do not taste like any ribs I've ever had - not even a hint of barbecue sauce. And the texture isn't at all what I expected from any type of bubble gum. It was so chewy it was just like chewing on a piece of rubber. On top of that, it left a terrible oily after-taste in my mouth which I found quite unpleasant. I suppose I'm from a different time, when gum was supposed to taste good. This "New America" is so confusing to me.

The product must be popular with the younger set, though. There was this younger couple, apparently in their early twenties, who had been staring wide-eyed at me and the look on my face. As soon as I spit my first piece out in disgust, I offered the rest of the box to them. They both smiled real big, and said, "Thanks mister!" Then they looked at each other with an even wider grin, got back in their car, and drove away real fast. Good for them if they like it so much. Trojan Brand Ribbed-flavored bubble gum just isn't for me.