My Struggle with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

I was first diagnosed with depression 12 years ago while going through a divorce and all the feelings that come with it. Over the years however, my symptoms steadily worsened. Recently I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). Needless to say, I'm now on three different medications, one of which is to help with the nervousness and anxiety I experience almost daily.

As little as two years ago, my symptoms weren't as bad as they are now. In fact, my depression symptoms got so bad this summer that my husband told me that if I didn't seek help he was going to leave me. This was my wakeup call. Never had I felt so afraid of losing someone as I did that day sitting outside having a heart-to-heart with the love of my life, and when I finally did see someone about it, I wasn't expecting to hear the diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder.

Living with depression is not only hard for the person who suffers with it, but it is also very difficult on our loved ones. My husband has watched through the years as I made the journey from vibrant and excited about life, to someone who cries at the drop of a hat and prefers to isolate herself from the outside world. Yes, I've pretty much become a recluse, venturing outside these four walls only if I absolutely have to. I'm a person who only a few years ago liked to go all the time. Today, I feel if I never had to leave my house, it wouldn't be so bad.

Somehow, I have managed to get out of bed everyday and function the best I can. There are days that are so bad, I find myself staring at my computer screen blankly, knowing I should be writing without the benefit of finding the right words in which to do it. I find this aspect of depression unsettling, because writing is what I do and I want to do it well.

There are day's that I find myself crying for no reason, leaving my family wondering what's the matter. If there was a problem I could put my finger on, I would share that with them, but more times than not, the tears just seem to come for no apparent reason and will usually last off and on all day.

Dealing with depression is hard to do; however, depression is manageable with the right medications, family support, and counseling when it's called for.

If you or a loved one are feeling sad, have bouts of crying that you can't seem to pull out of, have thoughts of suicide, or other symptoms of depression, I encourage you to seek help immediately. If you feel that you can't afford to see a doctor, there are state mental health offices that go by your income and will also supply you with your medication. There's no reason not to seek help and is absolutely the best thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones.