My Teenage Daughter Just Told Me She's Pregnant

So, your teenage daughter has just come to you with the news that she is pregnant. Yes, you knew she had a boyfriend; and you have seen signs of affection and given her a lot of advice. My guess is you did not think it would go that far. You thought they were old enough to stop at "affection" and now you realize that they did not. A thousand why-didn't-I's will run through your head. Realistically there is not much you could have done; it is too late now to change anything. The important thing now is that you move forward in the right direction with your teenage daughter.

I have been on both sides of the table on this one. I can tell you from personal experience, telling your daughter how much she has screwed up is not necessary. She does not need to be told how her whole life will change now and she will never get to do anything she dreamed of. That she will have to deal with a baby instead of going to her prom. She already knows this. She also knows how very much she has hurt you, and in most cases, this is killing her. You see, you have to remember that your daughter is still your daughter. She still loves you and wants to please you. She was caught up in the relationship with her boyfriend and made some foolish choices. Everyone has made choices we are not always proud of. This is a good time to remember that and avoid doing it again.

I remember the day I told my mother that I was pregnant just as well as I remember the day that my youngest told me she was pregnant. I was 17, she was only 15. The youngest of our 5 girls, this was devastating news. I was married at 17 and life was a struggle. My Mother helped me both spiritually, physically and mentally. I cried when my daughter told me, because I knew how hard it was going to be.

It is best to take some time and think things through before you attempt to deal with the situation. You should begin by sitting down with your daughter and discuss her feelings and her plans. Be sensitive to the fact that she is very frightened and reprimanding her will not improve the situation at all. Do not force her into a relationship with the father just because he is the father. This is not always the best decision for your daughter or your grandchild. If she wants a relationship with the father of the child, you should support this. Regardless of the age of the parents, your grandchild will need them both. It is very natural to be furious with the father for getting your daughter pregnant. Many parents tend to forget it took both of them to get in this situation. Both are equally to "blame".

When planning long term your daughter should be the one to decide if the pregnancy will end with adoption or with a baby coming home with mommy. Plans for the future should include both grandparents as well as mother if mother and child will be living in the grandparent's home. She should be free to come to you for advice, but long term decisions are hers to make.

The only wrong way to handle this situation is with anger, blame and punishment. The right way is with compassion, understanding and love. The way you handle the situation now will determine the relationship between you, your daughter and your grandchild.