My Thoughts on YaVaughnie Williams' Act of Revenge

I'll admit the first I knew of this story came from the AC Assignment Desk when it asked, "How far would you go to get revenge on a former lover?"

After googling "YaVaughnie Williams" (you can read about the story here), I came up with some thoughts about this extreme example of "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

First, no matter what YaVaughnie Williams intended to accomplish; the fact is that society will never take her side. She was the other woman, not the wife. She will forever live with the labels home wrecker, mistress, and other woman. She will never obtain sympathy for her plight, only pity or disgust.

Second, YaVaughnie Williams must have really low self-esteem to go this far. Without divulging personal information, I know a few women who have been with married men. In each case, the woman is blinded by love and promises of a man who says he will be hers one day. These woman fear that they do not deserve a love shared exclusively with them, that they deserve a relationship where they are the main partner in a man's life instead of being the leftovers. I think YaVaughnie feels that way, and indeed, her anger and grief are understandable when you discover Charles Phillips started divorce proceedings in 2008, a good year before he dumped her.

Now, before you go harping on about how she should know better than to date a married man, I assure you that she did. Not very many women intentionally go after married men. More than likely, YaVaughnie Williams seduced herself into thinking that Charles Phillips had every intention of leaving his wife for her. She believed everything he told her because she wanted to and because she didn't think any other man would love her. For Ms. Williams to move on, she needs to stop believing that "any man is better than no man". She needs to love herself more so that she doesn't look for it from the wrong people.

As women we are so quick to judge each other, but we are all human and we make mistakes. Even Oprah Winfrey has admitted to having an affair with a married man when she was younger. And her audience loves her just the same.

My third thought on YaVaughnie Williams's not-so-little stunt? $250,000 is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on revenge. This man is not worth even one dollar or one more minute of her time. This money could have been used for far better causes. If she really wanted to spend that kind of money on revenge, she should have donated it to women's shelters with the statement, "Charles Philips is not a physical abuser but he is an emotional abuser of women's hearts. Just ask his wife and his mistress." At least a donation to a good cause might have made her a little more sympathetic.

And fellow AC Contributor Macy C. brings up a good point: exactly whom was Ms. Williams trying to hurt? Seems like the real revenge may have been on Mrs. Phillips for winning her husband back. Since I was a teen, I've observed that girls and women are often the cruelest to each other. And if you don't believe me, watch the movies Mean Girls and Fatal Attraction.

Which brings me to my fourth thought on YaVaughnie Williams' act of revenge: she inflicted the greatest damage on herself. Who's going to hire her if she ever needs a job? Unless she winds up on reality TV (which would not surprise me one bit), what employer or client is going to trust her that she is emotionally stable or that she can protect confidential information?

After this, would any man in his right mind want to date her? Gentlemen, I ask you, would you start a relationship with this woman if you knew this was in her past? I didn't think so. In addition, what woman would trust her with their friendship? I wouldn't. This act of revenge shows she might do something like that to me one day if I befriend her.

My fifth thought? Why are all these crazy ex-lovers stories about women? This time it's about YaVaughnie Williams, but does anyone else remember Lisa Nowak, the NASA astronaut who attempted to kidnap her ex-lover's girlfriend?

Indeed, it seems that we women lose our heads when men hurt or anger us. And some men will tolerate it - to a point. My other half refers to the hilarious Barney Stinson Hot-Crazy Scale from the TV show How I Met Your Mother. It seems that in this case, Ms. Williams' crazy factor has completely outweighed her hot factor.

I asked my guy how most men would react if they were in YaVaughnie Williams' shoes. He asked, "You mean, how would guys react if they had an affair with a married woman and she went back to her husband like this guy went back to his wife? They'd shrug it off and move on. But they'd also tell their buddies, 'Man, I tapped that.'"

So how should YaVaughnie Williams have exacted her revenge on Charles Philips? Well, she could do what I've done with the men who've hurt me: become the sexiest, most confident, most independent woman you can be. Love yourself and believe you are worthy of respect. Show the man that he may have hurt you, but he didn't break you. In fact, you are stronger for it. In short, become "the one who got away". And make sure you stay that way, don't ever take him back. He will kick himself for his mistakes. And that is the sweetest revenge of all.

Sources:

Personal experience

Andrea Reiher, Obama advisor Charles Phillips dumps YaVaughnie Wilkins, gets billboards trumpeting affair, The DishRag - Zap2It

The "Other Woman" Speaks Out, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Oprah.com

Macy C., Extreme Revenge from Ex Mistress YaVaughnie Wilkins Isn't so Simpl, AssociatedContent.com

Lisa Nowak, Wikipedia.org

aaimar55, How i met your mother, (Hot,Crazy) SCALE, YouTube.com