My Top 10 Funny New Year's Resolutions for 2010

New Year's Resolutions are generally quite serious. Lose weight, get a promotion, and stop smoking are ones that commonly make everyone's list year after year. Although I do have a few serious New Year's Resolutions, I also have some funny ones that make my list for 2010. And yes, these resolutions are for real.

1. I will stop playing Facebook's Sorority Life so often. I play multiple times a day. I am so addicted to the game, that it doesn't matter if I run out of energy to complete events. I just pick fights with anyone who is online and take all their money and glamI currently have over $20 million in my account and nearly 500 sisters.

2. I will start Energy Drinks Anonymous. I am positive there are other people out there that consume 5 or 6 energy drinks every day. It started with Red Bull, then Rock Star, Monster followed, and now I'm giddy over finding grape-flavored NOS because it's the most powerful energy drink on the market in my opinion. The others are just to quench my thirst. NOS makes me powerful, almost super-human. I am invincible!

3. I will stop throwing my husband's socks away. He gets so angry because I have to buy him new socks every week. The man must own over 100 pairs of socks and none of them are in good condition. Most have holes, the fabric in others are thinning out a bit, and then there are his anklets. Oh, okay, men call them ankle socks. But they are really anklets. Only girls are supposed to wear socks that end at the ankles. I have no interest in looking at a man's hairy ankles so I don't know why he and every other man on the planet insist on wearing them. They look ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as men who wear sandals.

4. I will change light bulbs. Okay, I have this unusual phobia of light bulbs. Not of light bulbs themselves, but changing them. I don't know where this fear comes from, but I've had it for quite a while. I know I'm not going to get electrocuted, so I'm not really sure what my mind thinks is going to happen if I change one silly light bulb.

5. I will blow up a balloon. Another phobia. I have a fear of balloons. I have a moderate fear of fully inflated balloons and a severe reaction if someone blows up a balloon near me. I am unable to blow up a balloon myself. My oldest daughter is 9 years old and I have never had balloons at any of her birthday parties. They might explode and the little rubber particles will get in my eyes, blinding me. However, I realize that a fear of balloons is irrational, so I will take steps in 2010 to get over it.

6. I will get rid of all the empty boxes, canisters, and plastic to-go cups. I have no problem throwing away electronics or donating my clothes that don't fit anymore, but boxes and canisters I always keep. I can use them to store things in, or for art projects. I currently have 6 large boxes, 3 medium boxes, and 37 small cigar boxes scattered throughout my house. My cupboard has approximately 16 empty formula canisters and 27 plastic to-go cups that we never use. Besides, I need room for my husband's socks.

7. I will learn to be more germaphobic. My husband is a germaphobic and so is my oldest daughter. I have only been sick 3 times in my entire life. Pneumonia at 14, chicken pox at 24, and a serious kidney infection just a few months ago. I can let people with the Plague cough all over me and I still won't get sick. What's strange is that I don't practice regular hand-washing and I avoid hand sanitizer. Now don't get me wrong, I wash my hands after handling food or anything that is dirty, but I don't wash my hands after exchanging money or shaking hands. My husband and daughter wash their hands several times a day, and my husband uses hand sanitizer at least 4 times an hour, even when he's just sitting on the couch watching television! I always know when he has just rubbed some more on his hands because of that sickening alcohol smell. I hate that smell. He even bought an apple-scented hand sanitizer so it wouldn't make me as nauseated, but I can still smell the alcohol. But we have a new baby in the house now, and even though I have an immune system made out of steel, she doesn't. I could be carrying around a horrible virus and accidentally give it to her if I don't start being more aware of germs.

8. I will make a New Year's Resolution to stop making New Year's Resolutions. Starting next year.

9. I will buy a ouija board and invite a poltergeist to invade my home just so I can get on one of those ghost hunting shows, like TAPS or Paranormal State. Then I will write a book about my experiences and become rich. Movie offers will start pouring in. I will then buy Associated Content which will lead me to rule the world and all humans will bow down to me and serve me chocolate cupcakes while wearing Smurf costumes. I will rudely remind you to address me by my royal title of "Princess Taylorini."

10. I will learn to make rain. Some people have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have diagnosed myself as having Sunshine Toxicity. I do not like the sunshine. I am happiest when it is pouring rain with thunder and lightening. Cloudy days make me pleasant. Sunshine and clear skies? No way. The sun gives me a headache, makes my stomach feel queasy, and hurts my eyes. I really can't stand it when people say on a sunny day, "Oh, isn't it a lovely day?" I usually just nod and smile but my insides are screaming, "No! It's a gloomy day and I wish it would rain and send your sunny comments down the sewer!" But of course, I'm more polite than that. It's odd how whenever I move all of a sudden that area goes through a drought. So, I will attend Rainmaker College and giggle when I make it pour all over your happy, smiling head.

So there we have it. My top 10 funny New Year's Resolutions for 2010. I will probably accomplish none of them and I'm sure you will see many items on this list repeated next year.