My Top 10 New Year's Resolutions 2012

And here they are, top ten New Year's Resolutions for 2012!

Number ten. No more trips to the all night doughnut shop at 1am. Get the big box in the afternoon and stash them behind the health food snacks in the cabinet.

Number nine. Walk PAST the junk food aisle at the supermarket completely. All the good junk food is at the check-out counter.

Number eight. Go to hypnotherapist and have them make all fast food signs disappear from sight. Especially if the directions to the in-laws' house includes "turn right at the McDonald's."

Number seven. Stop believing the alien love child stories in the supermarket tabloids. You can get all the juicy stories on NPR and Coast-to-Coast AM.

Number six. Stop smoking. The cigarette does enough for both of you.

Number five. Don't cheat on any more diets. Start the "all-jellybean-and-cheese-doodle-diet."

Number four. Stop watching FOX News. Not because they are wrong or anything, but it will make your blood pressure go down and reduce your chance for heart attacks.

Number three. When a political commercial comes on television, picture the person running for office either naked or in a clown suit. It should cure you of any chance of believing them, unless you happen to like wrinkled people and clowns. Then all bets are off because you are hopeless.

Number two. No more alien movies. Paul was the be all and end all of alien movies. (Besides, the aliens are getting tired of all the bad press lately - Super 8, Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon, etc.)

And the number one top New Year's Resolution for 2012 is . . .

Stop referring to 2012 as the end of the world as we know it. Unless, of course, you are a political supporter of any kind. Then you'd be right.