My Top Ten Songs of the Moment

10. Angel Eyes - Jeff Healy Band
This was a seventh grade slow dance song, but the only guy who wanted to dance with me was some butt cut kid who always wanted to borrow a dime for ice cream at lunch. The only time America wanted to dance with Jeff Healy was to this song. I, however, love him for appearing in the movie Roadhouse. Pretty good for a blind white guy.

9. Enough of Me - Melissa Etheridge
Damn, I wish I was a tortured lesbian. I'd write some great songs.

8. Fat Bottom Girls - Queen
I used to hang out with this crazy girl we called the Supernatural Filipina Diva. If she wasn't trying to make out with you, she was busy trying to kick your freakin' ass. She claimed she could play pool as long as she heard Fat Bottom Girls sometime over the course of the evening. And every time she sunk a shot she'd say, "What are you gonna do now, Superman? Superman can't walk!" For a few months of Mondays she and I ruled the pool tables at Foxz Tavern.

7. A Woman's Threat - R Kelly
Before he was pissing on teenaged girls and getting trapped in the closet part infinity, there was this song. What other singer could make an entire bridge, or as my friend Woo Hoo Jen used to call it, the emotional part of the song, out of the story of the three bears. He's not even kidding.

6. The Eagles - Doolin Dalton
I wish they hadn't misspelled the word "dueling" but I wouldn't be me if I didn't wish for good spelling. The back cover of the album had all the Eagles lying dead in some dusty wild west street. For what more can you ask?

5. Hit the Road Jack - Ray Charles
I heard this today after not hearing it for I know at least ten years. With the call and response of old time gospel, this is the perfect pop song.

4. Crimson and Clover - Tommy James and the Shondells
Who didn't try to imitate this song as a kid by slapping your hand repeatedly over your mouth like an Indian war whoop? Hell, I did it this morning in the car in front of a gas station. What is this song even about? Who cares?

3. You've Made Me So Very Happy - Blood Sweat and Tears
My high school band director was prone to fits of blood sweat and tears. But not all my musical memories are in the past. Tonight this song came on the oldies station, it was dusk, my favorite time of day and spring my favorite time of year and I was horrifying my boyfriend Dan by singing all the words and the horn parts. Well, I just happen to have a tambourine in my car, so he picked it up and started playing along. Bliss.

2. Rich Girl - Hall and Oates
I always thought this song said, "You can rely on your own damn money." As a kid I enjoyed songs that had the word damn in them because I could sing along in front of my parents and I was somehow allowed to get away with saying damn. Of course, that's not the line, but this song still reminds me of the early 80s, some dumb egyptian video game and my Strawberry Shortcake sneakers.

1. I'll Be - Edwin Mc Cain
I had a friend whose last name was McCain. We used to have a good old time, dressing up and trick or treating in April, baking cakes from scratch and listening to the Cure. The she slept with my boyfriend, decided she was a devil worshipper and moved to the Pacific Northwest to be a bisexual chef. Thanks a lot, McCain.
By the way, have you seen this guy on I Love the 80s? His looks don't fit the voice, but the southern accent makes me love him even more.