My Twisted Thanksgiving Poem

I hope the bird is tender

and that Uncle Fred does not go on a drunken bender

My family loves to argue

Politics and religion

They start yelling obscenities

It causes clear division

I try to change the subject

while not taking sides

But we are talking about my in laws here

theres is no place to hide!

My mother in law stares at me

with contempt and shame

and there my husband sits

watching the football game

The only time I will see him today

is when he says dear

"you look really nice today

so can you get me a beer?"

All my cousins have bratty kids

they stick gum under the kitchen table

and try to torture my cats

they really are unstable

I am glad the family brought food

they are so sweet- I love them so

but every time I eat what they make

its time for the pepto bismo!

And old uncle Charlie

is he still alive?

last time I checked he was 105

as he sleeps snoring sitting in his chair

he passes gas loudly

I run for clean air

and when its all over I sigh with relief

I grab Captian Morgan to help with my grief

and a smile comes to my face

when I remember

I don't have to do this again

until next November!