My Two Dads

I have two different fathers in my life
The one from my childhood
And the one I have now
Two complex relationships
With the very same man

Growing up I was afraid
Everything Dad said was law
I worked so hard to be the perfect daughter
The smart one
The successful one
The top of her class
Dad's pride in me the ultimate prize

And yet it never seemed to be enough
Always two points shy of 100%
Dad pushed me further and higher
And higher and further
Until one day I could reach no more
And I broke.

I shattered in a million pieces
Amidst my anger, my father died
I took back control for the scared little girl
Who never seemed to be right
Even though she could do no wrong

Slowly, the darkness settled
And the light eventually shone
I picked myself off the floor,
Patched up my broken soul,
And looked for the man who was my dad

He had been there always,
Watching, waiting
Standing in shadow wings
With hands tentatively outstretched
Hoping for connection
Asking for forgiveness

Slowly the gap bridged between us
On tentative ropes of trust and hope
Out of the ashes rose a new father
This one supportive, funny, and generous
A new relationship built
On a demolished past

Now here we are, two loving beings
Who speak naught of the past
We forge ahead to the future
In the present of mutual respect
I'm no longer the scared little girl
And he the authoritarian

I am now my own person
Secure in my confidence
And my dad is exactly that
He is the man who is

My Dad