My Venn Diagram: Being in the Middle with God

Do you ever feel like you're in between? Now, I don't mean "in the middle", like a middle child, in the middle of a fight, in the middle of a project... but more like in between worlds. Where two things are very important to you, a part of you and you are at the point where the two cross each other. Picture the Venn diagram. Where two circles overlapping, sharing a space that is common ground to both rings. I'm in between my art and my writing, my family and my work, my church and my faith. I'm at the intersecting part.

I've been an artist my whole life and a teller of tales since I could write. There is a photograph of me as a two-year old holding a lollipop and painting a simple picture. I even have a poem book I wrote in third grade my.

Imagine one circle being the artistic self that creates though drawing and painting; and the other circle representing my lyrical self in fantasy, dreams, and words. Those two aspects of my life have always vied for attention. At one point I thought writing children's stories and illustrating them would calm the shared ground.

It did the opposite. My visual creativity created new, colorful fictional characters and lives; too powerful, too complicated for a child's comprehension. My mind puts words to the pictures my mind's eye sees and now I write for visual gratification. Oh, my hand still aches to hold the paintbrush or pencil and feels good when I do. But my mind's eye is creating wonderful images for both words and pencil to create thus maintaining a delicate balance for these two creative worlds within me.

Just as easy is the balance of my family with my work. My children keep my heart young, my inner child happy. When the inner child is bored has nothing to dream about, my boys take me for a ride in their world of spontaneous silliness and impetuous creativity. It's like refreshing shower on a hot day... or a warm cuddle during a stormy night. By keeping my work intense, I show my sons how good it is to express oneself; set your goals, follow your dreams. From watching me work, they've developed good habits at school and their grades show the results.

That's not to say that they don't interrupt me while I'm working. On the contrary... I have a sign on my home office door that reads, "If you're not bleeding or it's not on fire, don't bother me." Unfortunately, the dog and the baby do not know how to read. Periodically, my train of thought derails. But that little voice calling, "Mommy!" is to be cherished. Oh how I do love that space where the world of work and family intersect! It fills me.

My God fills me as well. I trust He gave my talents to me for a reason. I've believed that for my entire life, I just wasn't sure about the correct way to use my talents. But I now feel I'm on the right track. After spend hours researching and interviewing, I'm authoring a new catechism program for my church.

I left the church while I was a student and returned as a parent noticing it was time for a change. Sometime people believe, "if it's not broke, don't fix it." Well, there comes a time when the new becomes old and change has to be made. Most people are afraid of change especially in their religion.

I must step out of bounds for a moment on the issue of religion. I believe in God, I am Presbyterian, and I believe that the church is just a building. It's the people within that make up the "church family" and what those people do to serve God that's important. My faith is that God exists everywhere. The creator of the wonder of nature; I believe in God the Father and Earth the Mother.

I am close to Him when I'm outside feeling the breeze against my body or staring out the window at the moon; I feel Him in people when I'm playing with the children in the nursery or participating on a fundraiser to help the needy. The Good Book is a story, suggestions on how to live... not an instruction manual. Express yourself to Him anyway you want, He listens. I've studied various religions and found a common thread in all... that is what I believe. Enough said.

Several friends discussed the need for changes, the church as a whole needed to become modern, set on fire, alive! We began to put our plan in motion. We decided to break down the plan and do it slowly over time to not ruffle feathers of the old birds in the congregation. It took some powerful words spoken a few times that inspired many people to come out of their shells, even for a short time, to help. We felt the beginning of change happening.

Unfortunately, one friend passed away and another moved to another city, leaving only a few behind to carry on the work. It's been a struggle. We have recruited new, younger people to help but burned out ourselves. The vision has wavered.

I feel myself gaining strength back. It's time again to start the changes. I know I'm not alone but sometimes I feel that I am. Some people say they want to help are still timid. I see a church that has potential and need at the same time. I have ideas and the creativity to help. Let the circle of my church cross over the circle of my deepest faith so I may push forward to set the plan back in motion.

The youth of my church inspire me with their thirst for knowledge and their willingness to accept change. My family feeds me with their love and the innocence of silliness to keep my heart young. My art fuels my wisdom with visual concepts that could drive me to the brink of madness. The time is approaching when all circles will overlap, creating one common ground, with me in between them all. I will be the intersection. What will I do? What will be the result?

I anticipate it with hesitation and excitement.