My Version of a Christmas Carol: A Christmas Poem

And guess what?

You are gonna hear it again

My way...

There were these two rich old farts

Businessmen I think

Like it matters

Rich is rich

Who cares what they do

One keeled over

I mean dead!

Dead as a doornail

As if door nails can be dead

As long as you understand he is dead

Otherwise we have no story here

Well, the other rich old fart

He took over

Let's call him...

Scrooge!

You know like stingy,

Tight fisted or

Tight ass

A real jerk

He even treated his nephew

Like crap

He was just trying to be cool

Invite him for the holidays

So he wouldn't be alone

He just said "bah humbug"

Whatever that means

Scrooge was such a tightwad

He wouldn't pay for heating

It was snowing outside

I'm talking below zero kinda cold

He would buy everything cheap

Anything to save a penny

I bet you could guess his motto

He was cold-hearted and mean

He would never help anyone out

Not even his employee

Made him work through the holidays

Even though he had a crippled son

How rude

It was the night of Christmas Eve

Scrooge's dead friend that died

Came to see him and warn him

To stop being such an ass

He told him you'll be visited

By three ghosts and so on

And so forth

Anyway, the first ghost guy came

Let's call him...

The ghost of Christmas past

He took him cruisin'

They went and checked out his past

Actually he used to be pretty cool

Happy even

Pasty took him home

And old Scrooge crashed a bit

Just when you think you can get some peace

Another one shows up

We will call this guy...

The ghost of Christmas present

He picks up old Scroogey

They go crusin' around town

In his low rider

'Cause he is one hip ghost

They check out the town

And how the people are

"Livin' large"

Thanks to good old Scrooge

Then he dumps him off

Right when he closes his eyes

This bad ass dude comes in

We will call him...

Grim Reaper

'Cause he is scary

He takes Scrooge to his grave

Because he is dead and alone

And everyone is partying

'Cause he sucked

Scared the begebers out of Scrooge

I don't know if "begebers" is a word

But it sounded right at the moment

To make a very long story short

Scrooge wakes up feeling guilty

As he should

And wants to redeem himself

So he gets up and heads out

He is buying food and gifts

For everyone

Except me

How rude!