My Weight Loss Journey: In the Beginning

Welcome to my weight loss journey. In this, I will write everyday of my struggles and my triumphs, of my highs and my lows. I will keep no secrets, just show complete truths. Some days I will laugh and some days I will cry. So hitch your wagon to this train, because you're in for an amazing ride.

All of my life, I've been fat. All of my life, I've been the fattest kid in my family. I don't have a memory of ever being thin. The last time I was thin, I was in kindergarten. I'm not sure what caused me to have this problem, but it is a problem that plagues my Mom's side of the family. Food meant happiness for me. I am not sure why it happened to be that way, but when I eat, I feel numb to every pain or problem in my life.

My life, overall, has been a happy one. I come from a large family, my parents had seven children. Mom was a stay at home mom and Dad went off to work everyday. Life was good. I don't know how my food addictions started. My first memory of feeling bad about myself was a day when my younger brother and I were eating cereal in the living room after school and watching TV. Dad came bounding into the room very upset and the only thing I remember is him yelling "You guys are nothing but fat and lazy!" I also remember the feeling that came with that statement...I'm sure there's a good word to describe that pain, but I cannot think of one. I just remember feeling incredibly hurt. My heart was broken that those words were uttered to me. I know that my father didn't mean it, he was just angry and we happened to be on the tail end of that anger. I have forgiven him and decided that the statement he made will no longer put a hold on my life.

I was never the girl any boy liked. If they did, I never knew it. I was always the girl that was always smiling and laughing and just plain loud. People loved me, but inside, I was aching for love and acceptance. I hated myself. I know that inside, I am an amazing person. It's my outside that I wish matched the inside, but I wasn't dealt that card in life. I know I was created this way for a reason, so I wouldn't judge others on their appearance.

I remember growing up and hiding food. I'd go to the pantry and grab a bag of chips and hide them as I walked to my room so my mother couldn't see. The sad thing is, I still do it to this day. I am completely ashamed of my addiction to food. I am so ashamed, I hide it from my husband.

My husband. He is a gift from God to me. I hate my body. I hate my addiction. He loves me regardless of what I look like and tells me that I'm beautiful. In the back of my mind, I call him a liar. He isn't lying, he does feel that way, but I hate that I cannot see it in myself.

This year, I turned 30 years old, and I decided it was time to take back my life and start living for me. I had just given birth to my second child, a daughter, in November. The day I gave birth, I weighed in at a whopping 250 pounds. After she was born, I got down to 237 pounds and my food addictions kicked in again. I was having some post pardom issues, so that's why I decided that 2007 was going to be the start of a new life for me and my family.

After a mission trip to a deaf school in Jamaica, I started my diet in February. To date, I'm down to 218 1/2 pounds. Nearly 20 pounds lost. I have even joined in on a weight loss challenge with my family. The pot to be taken at the end is $400. I joined a gym and have been exercising regularly. This week, I've accomplished the hurdle of running a mile without stopping! I'm ready to jump start my engine and get this weight off! But...I have since hit a plateau. This week, I decided I would start to share my journey with all of you. Many people don't know what it takes to be obese and to lose weight.

So, here we go! Are you ready to join in on the ride with me? Add my CP page to your favorites and visit back every day. Maybe my journey might inspire some of you to do the same thing...let's get healthy... Together!