My Weiner Crisis

Misspelled words and bad grammar in this review are done on purpose to simulate the western dialect of this author.

Howdy Pardner,

Have ya tried that new cleanin' product called Hurricane Katrina? It eliminates every thang that moppin' and scrubbin' leave behind. Hehehe!

That's one of them thar jokes I done learned. But I wanna tell ya somethin' real serious. It's somethin' that's been buggin' me fer a long spell. Every now and then I like ta hold a wiener barbecue at my spread, and invite some folks I know who live in these parts. These parts bein' Northern California.

For the big ol' barbecue, I pick up a few thangs at the local convenience store called the Stop 'N Rob. Thangs like wieners and buns and beer and catsup and beer and mustard and uh course I won't forget the beer.

"So what in tar nation is so strange about all that?" ya might ask. Did ya ever notice that thars 10 wieners in every pack uh wieners, and only eight buns in every pack uh buns? Why it's the most damn fool thang I ever did see! My drunk cousin, Wilbert, must work fer the wiener or the bun company! How else could a damn fool thang like that happen?

So why am I lettin' a squirrel crawl up my britches over it? Cause at the big ol' barbecue thars gonna be 10 folks-and two uh them are gonna be holdin' their wieners with no buns wrapped 'round 'em!

This really fries me-even though it's a big ol' barbecue! Somethin's gotta be done about this CRISIS! So I writ a big ol' letter to the wiener folks:

Dear Wiener Folks,

My name is William Pinn, and I am a CON-CERNED CI-TI-ZEN. You otta RE-MOVE two wieners from every pack, sos I only has ta feed eight folks at my big ol' barbecue, and sos they's all holdin' wieners with buns wrapped 'round 'em. Wadaya say?

Yours Truly,
WP

I put the big ol' letter in the big ol' mailbox-then I waited...........................NINE MONTHS!! I ain't heard nothin' no how from them wiener folks! But I ain't no quitter! So I writ a big ol' letter to the bun folks:

Dear Bun Folks,

My name is William Pinn, and I am a CON-CERNED CI-TI-ZEN. You otta ADD two buns to every pack, sos I kan feed 10 folks at my big ol' barbecue, and sos they's all holdin' wieners with buns wrapped 'round 'em. Wadaya say?

Yours truly,
WP

I put the big ol' letter in the big ol' mailbox-then I waited...............Yeeeehaaaaw! The bun folks came through! They writ me a big ol' letter:

Dear Mr. Pinn,

We really like your suggestion. For now on each pack of buns shall have 10 buns.

Yours truly,
The Bun Folks

Well let that be a lesson to ya, Pardner. Never give up and never give in! For now on all 10 folks at my big ol' barbecue is gonna have ten buns wrapped 'round their 10 wieners!

Excuse me, are you William Pinn?

Yes I am. What kan I do ya fer?

I have a certified letter for you. Sign here, please.

Why sure! Who's it from?

It's from Oscar Myer. Have a nice day.

Dear Mr. Pinn,

We really like your suggestion. For now on each pack of wieners shall have eight wieners.

Yours truly,
The Wiener Folks

DAG NABBIT!!!!