My New Year's Resolution is Letting Go of Trying to be Perfect

We all do it on New Year's Eve. We think, "This year will be different, I'll lose the weight/climb Mount Everest/quit my job/find the man of my dreams and I'll be happy and life will be perfect."

We are strong for a while in pursuance of our goal; eating healthy to drop a few pounds, climbing the rock pile in the backyard regularly to build endurance, searching the job ads online to find that perfect fit career, trying speed dating for the first time to meet our Romeo. Resolutions, though, are usually dropped within a month or two, only to be forgotten until December 31st rolls around again.

That's why this year my biggest resolution is to let go of trying to be perfect. I want to lose 15 pounds just like everyone else. I want to be enlightened and happy just like everyone else. I want the career of my dreams to bloom and grow and bring me great big gobs of money just like everyone else. Unfortunately, sometimes the harder I push for these things, the worse off I am, and the further in the opposite direction I go.

So how exactly do I plan on making my resolution come true this time?

1. Stop beating myself up. That's a good place to start. Above, where I mentioned I'd like to lose 15 pounds? I was lying; it's probably more like 20. I gained it a couple of years ago the same way everyone else does; too much stress and too many chocolate bars. I've found though, that beating myself up for weight I gained two years ago and continuing the running dialogue in my head about it is not helping. In fact, I think if I could stop telling myself, "Don't eat that! You're fat! Pretty soon even your cats will be disgusted by you!" I'd be much more likely to skip the second serving of dessert, therefore helping me achieve the goal I'm yelling at myself about in the first place.

2. Accepting myself the way I am. This means taking the above idea a step further. Not only will I stop saying "You're not good enough!" I'll also say, "You really are wonderful and doing a great job living your life." What a relief it would be to wake up every day thinking, "I am what I am and that's okay." This step of letting go of trying to be perfect is essential, but also extremely difficult. Who wants to accept themselves the way they are when they could keep waiting until they reach the epitome of perfection?

3. Stop letting my thoughts cause suffering. Author and healer Byron Katie has an absolutely amazing book called Loving What Is. When I read it and understood its concept, that ultimately only our thoughts cause suffering, I was blown away. I immediately was drawn in and wanted to live my life in a state where I could see that my own mind and its non stop stream of mean thoughts was only causing me pain. I need to make more money? Or be thinner? Or pluck my eyebrows more often? Do those thoughts cause me to suffer? Then they are just false beliefs I've set up for myself and aren't to be trusted. The concept can be hard to truly understand or even believe at first, but for anyone interested I would highly recommend the book or checking out Katie's website, www.TheWork.org

4. Spend more time meditating and praying. I know I feel good when I do this. I know meditation and prayer help me clear my head and realign myself with my priorities. So why is that I spend more time saying, "I need to meditate and pray more often?" than actually doing it? If I had the answer for that I'd let you know, believe me. These tools will help in my quest of letting go, and fast. This year I'm going to spend more time, every day, whether it's on my daily walk, during my morning tea, or before I go to bed at night, performing these important rituals.

5. Forgive myself if I can't let go of being perfect. What? You mean even if I don't actually achieve my resolution I'm off the hook? I know, great setup, right? If I set "letting go of trying to be perfect" as yet another goal in my quest for perfection...well, that's not very productive, is it?

You may not consider yourself a perfectionist, but I bet you have some deep-seated ideas about what you are "supposed" to be. A great mother, a strong father, or the perfect employee, perhaps? It's great to have a sense of yourself, but if you are somehow falling short of these ideals and it's causing you to suffer, it's time to reevaluate what you really want to achieve.

Good luck to everyone in the New Year. I know I need it.