MySpace Has Problem Besides Bad Press

I was reluctant to join MySpace, in that way I'm reluctant to do many things. And It's not that am afraid to try new things - although as I write this (and some of you actually know me) I am aware that this is often true of me - as much as I do not generally want to succumb to the will of the masses.

I did not have a countdown to the 18th birthday of the Olsen Twins; I never collected beanie babies. I've NEVER seen an episode of the Baywatch, and it seems at times that I'm the only human on this rock that does not smoke weed OR play Texas Hold 'em Poker.

I DO have a reticent affection for Lindsay Lohan...

But I digress...

I'd not heard much of MySpace before February, and it seems now that I hear of little else. Yes, EVERYONE seems to have one, and yet, theres a certain - and constant - stigma attached to it: Friends misunderstand it; family members try to dissuade me, discounting me as a pervert... But thats because of the publicity it gets... Anything that becomes popular and pervasive enough also becomes subject to its share of naysayers.

I love to be here at MySpace... I really do. And I know that MySpace has gotten bad press of late, but that's because it's the flavor of the month - believe me, if a person could troll for children on EBAY, you'd see Dateline doing a report on some mouthbreather's items saying:

"Obviously this deviant is selling his Etch-A-Sketch in an effort to lure underaged sex partners... Upon further investigation, we find that the subject is ALSO selling a game of Twister as well as a Big Wheel... Notice that in the item description 'BIG' is in BOLD letters....an almost certainly risque double meaning. Back to you, Stone..."

Because we'll do ANYTHING to save the children.

But I digress again...

Because I'm not writing about the children, my friends. They've already got Sally Struthers and that guy who looks like Trapper John MD in their corner.

No... I'm writing about ME.

I am a 33 year old heterosexual male... And at virtually every turn, I am beseiged by messages from throngs of thongs and naughty nymphos who love my profile...

MY profile...

People I hold in intimate regard say my profile is bad.... stuffy..... that I come off as less than fun... and THESE are people who KNOW me. So why would naughty Nadia want to be MY friend?

My picture of CHARLIE BROWN is there to protect you from my own pudding face (Film Buffs out there, Think Ernest Borgnine in "Marty")

Look.... Do I enjoy sex? Certainly. I plan on pencilling it in to my schedule again soon.

Will it be a result of myspace? I dunno... All I DO know is that I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR WEBCAMS OR TALK TO YOUR FRIEND WHO IS TOO SHY TO TALK TO ME ALTHOUGH SHE THINKS I'M CUTE AND EVEN WROTE A BLOG ABOUT ME...

Women I'm interested in RARELY write me back, so I'm supposed to be fooled by MARY'S 4 AM interest in ME?

I Think Not...

Mary, Mary, why ya Buggin'?

Silly Nadia.... Tricks are for Johns...

I have a penis, you all KNOW i have a penis, and so you seek me out with these ads and scams...

But trust me, when I'm in heat, I'll go my own way without having to look at your WEBCAM!

Also.... STOP trying to give me a HOME LOAN..... I love my APARTMENT and oh..... YOU'RE ON MYSPACE AT 3 AM.... THIS IS NOT A PLACE WHERE I'M LOOKING TO COMMIT MYSELF TO LIFE CHANGING DOCUMENTS!

But THAT'S another rant.