Naming My Inner Brat. I Call Her Dotchi

While researching Housekeeping tips, suggestions and websites I came across a website called the Brat Factor. It helps you meet and name your inner brat and then beat her to death with a cast iron skillet... or just learn to live with your inner brat, make her mature and make her grow up.

The idea is that we have an inner brat that lives inside us and hinders us from doing what we know we should do. Cleaning house, paying bills, making meals, etc. The inner brat is inherently lazy, self centered and makes you complain and whine. Or something along those lines. You are supposed to name your inner brat and then assess the mess that she has created. Look around at the whirl wind of destruction she left and start working your way out of it.

So today I have named my inner brat. Her name is Dotchi. I know this isn't what we are supposed to do. We're supposed to name her something else. But mine is Dotchi. Now when I place blame I am blaming myself, not some non-existent inner brat. I am my own inner brat. It's... ME! Shocking, I know.

The idea of creating multiple personalities by way of an inner brat that I can blame my laziness on is a little too much for me. I would go for it if it weren't for having to play the "Satan made me do it" card for housekeepers. I think it's high time the lazy housekeepers of the world grew up, put on their big girl panties and just came out and said "Hi. My name is Dotchi and my house is a disaster."

All the excuses in the world (I hate my mom, no one else cleans, the dust bunnies ate the vacuum, Nelly made me do it) won't excuse the laziest housekeeper from doing the chores. Inner brat or not, it's time to step up and take responsibility for your actions. There are ways to get chores done without creating multiple personalities and naming them. Frankly, that's a little too mentally unstable sounding for me.

Then I read a little further thinking it couldn't get any worse than naming your lazy side, I mean, inner brat. But I was wrong. After you name your inner brat and create a separate entity to blame, you give the inner brat a report card called the Princess Progress Report. Once I cleaned my bubbly grape juice from my keyboard, I just had to check it out. Surely they are kidding. Give my inner brat a report card? Mine would fail because I'd spend too much time laughing my butt off and would never finish the report card.

The Princess Progress Report for your inner brat is filled out each week starting on whatever day you want. You fill out the goal you have and the rules you will follow. For example, lose 3 pounds... don't eat crap. Then you name your inner brat reasons for playing along under the "Princess Reasons" but refer to your inner brat by the name you gave your lazy side. Like "Sue likes candy and cake but secretly wants Brad to drool over her and make Darla jealous."

Authors Note: Make sure you get all the drink out from under the keys or you'll fry your keyboard.
Inner Brat Note: HAHA! You shot drink out your nose!

I stopped reading there. I don't need to read further to amuse myself. I need to take blame for my laziness... if I am lazy then I can get off my fat butt and go wash the freaking dishes! And no, that's not my inner brat not doing the dishes. I just don't feel like it! So there!