Narcissistic Personality Disorder: When You Fall in Love with a Dangerous Person

When you love a dangerous person it can really zap the life out of you. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is mainly about feeling a need to have the center of attention. It can become really destructive if you are in love with one. You will notice that they always have a tornado of destruction swirling around them. If you have a family member that is having problems often with other people and they refuse to take any responsibility - you might have a Narcissist on your hands. Here are some tips on how to handle the Narcissist in your life and not allow them to hurt your life or the lives of others. Start with: Don't keep their secrets.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is just as devastating to the person that has the disorder, as the ones that suffer from their abusive behavior. They are masters at doing just enough to get the attention that they crave, without having to actually give of themselves. It's about setting you up to knock you down. They generally do it for attention. The problem is, they also never have peace. So if you know a person that is always saying that they have bad luck then don't keep their secrets. You aren't helping them at all. Make sure that you ask important questions to ensure that they aren't harming anyone. Don't be a part of the problem. Don't look for ways to enable them further.

First let's review what the disorder can look like.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder comes in many varieties and flavors. People can have this disorder in combination with several other mental issues. According to the Mayo Clinic - "Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism."

Here are some highlights: Narcissistic people tend to be talkers. They dominate the conversation with things that they have accomplished in their life. They are braggarts. While other people may note that they have accomplished something, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder person will talk about themselves incessantly. Somehow you notice that they always take over the conversation.

They tend to end relationships with the other person having to get legal help to loosen the strings that the Narcissistic person has tied them up with. It's called "crazy-making". The Narcissist will act as though they don't care. They do though. You can tell that by the threats. Threats that prevent the other person from having any rights. It's like they express that other people have no rights. Which of course is nuts. This will generally involve objects or creatures that they know the object of their destruction cares about. They will hold those things as ransom in order to maintain control. It's all about power and control. That's because they are very small and insecure people. Here is an example for you.

I know one person that acted this way. The object of their destruction was being controlled by money and threats. It boiled down to outright extortion. The Narcissist owned the home the their victim was invited to move into. Once in the home, the Narcissist said he had to have all of the control over the other persons life. "Give me all the money that I demand and I will treat you right", was the threat. He called it a domestic partnership. When the party refused to be extorted, the Narcissist tried to destroy her life. The woman noticed that constant threats of legal action and accusations began to occur regularly. This was a woman who previously had a perfect record and was a shining example of community service. The Narcissistic abuser had so dominated her life that she could hardly hold down a job at all. Living was a joy that she strove for however. The woman had to move out to try to start to gain back control over her own life again. Still more threats, this time legal. In the end the Narcissist found himself having to deal with the mess that he had made and lost the woman. The woman that the Narcissist had objectified began to tell what had been said to control her life. It got really messy. The important thing was that the woman that ended up being threatened told the secrets that the Narcissist wanted to remain dark and hidden. Now the Narcissist had experienced a reality check. It was an abusive act of saying to the woman "you have no rights and you are useless". Something that the abusive Narcissist said weekly to her.

Thank God the woman spoke up and said help! This is really common in this type of situation. Had she not spoken up, the Narcissist would have destroyed her to the point of having no freedom - remember this is their goal for their object of destruction. It's about controlling other people. Typically the Narcissist will react with threats and attempts to harm anyone that speaks up about the abuse that they are experiencing. But speak up. You might save an innocent from destruction at the hands of your Narcissistic family member. You aren't loving them by enabling them. Make sure that you remember that. Loyalty is not connected to enabling. Otherwise the blame will be on your hands because you knew and failed to speak up for the victim.

If the Narcissist knows the person cares about them they will generally label the other person as a problem. Their goal is to make the object of their destruction have to constantly be defensive and provide proof of their love and devotion. Refusal to do so results in being punished by the Narcissist. It offers the creepy Narcissistic person the power they are craving. They set the object up, to knock them down. That's what happened to the woman. She became a Narcissist's victim. This compounds if the Narcissist has other mental issues like say, Schizophrenia.

They change their treatment towards the object of their destruction generally after the first few dates or connections. Where once the person was appealing and wonderful to the Narcissist, now the person can't do anything right. It's funny and really sad to notice that a Narcissistic person is constantly complaining about everyone. In fact, if you haven't caught on to their game yet - don't side with them, because they are doing to you what they are doing to the other person. You just don't know it yet. Why? Because you are enabling their abusive behavior. Don't keep their secrets.

If you really want to love the Narcissistic person in your life then tell what they are doing behind closed doors. When they gossip and try to get you to side with them, don't. Don't be an enabler. Like alcoholism, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder is destroying the family unit. When you fall in love with a dangerous person you have to make sure that they don't destroy your life. If you know that a family member is like that then you should speak up. Even if they aren't responsible for something that might happened, they probably started it in order to get the drama and control that they crave they are using it to harm another person. Don't allow that. Make sure to ask them if they care how the other person feels about the actions that directly affects them. If your family member says that they don't care or the other person has no right then stop them and ask why they are more important then others. Ask them why they think that they have rights that other people don't. Above all, don't keep their secrets.

Sources:
The Mayo Clinic