NASHVILLE SEASON PREMIERE 2007

SERIES: Fox, Friday 9:00p (60 minutes)

STARS: Chuck Wicks, Clint Moseley, Lindsey Hager, Matt Jenkis, Mika Combs, Rachel Bradshaw, Sarah Gunsolus, and Monty Powell, Jeff Allen and James Johnson

GENRE: Reality (Non-Competitive), Soap Opera

CREATED BY: Gary Auerbach, Julie Auerbach

SEASON PREMIERE: September 14, 2007

Nashville should be retitled Nash-still.

Note to producers: Jumpy and choppy does not constitute fast-paced.

This show moves like a snail dragging cowboy boots. Viewers could find more energy and enthusiasm in minutes by walking down a city street rather than the can by sitting through this lead-bottom drag for an hour.

The blatant orchestration of Nashville is obnoxiously transparent. Romance, sex, sympathy, and poorly feigned emotions try to lure viewers into this web of boredom.

The show opens with Chuck and his manager trying to impress the audience with their professionalism --- boring.

In a powwow with her famous sports Dad, Terry Bradshaw, Rachael whines, "I want to be a star." The superlatives greedy and spoiled about sum it up. Then, Rachael and her friends, Sarah and Lindsay, strip down to their bathing suits in front of the cameras. The interjection of sex is always needed in a show that has little else to stimulate its viewers.

Matt enthralls the viewers with his highly original comment, "I want to make my family proud." His friend Jeff plays the sympathy card with, "My Mom's not in good health." And they both try to make viewers "feel" for them as they moan about working in a hole-in-the-wall for only 25 bucks.
Mika's parents fear the perils of their "pretty young thing" daughter taking the bus to Nashville all by her little lonesome. Viewers see her riding on the bus, so Mom and Dad fear not, somewhere there was a camera crew. Then the dutiful, down-home Mika calls Mom and Dad from her hotel to tell them she is fine, again, in front of a camera. Are home viewers expected to be morons in order to watch this show?

If Nashville were a movie, Clint would be the romantic male lead, for he is the one trying to get the girl, Rachael, who clearly wants to be gotten. He's a real pro at it, too, because though she keeps telling him that she has a boyfriend, she crumbles and kisses him within minutes. Nice moral message for young viewers! Then, Rachael calls her boyfriend, Shea, to break up with him.

Shea, though, not a contestant himself, is the highlight of the show for, on the telephone, he tells Rachael, "F--k You!" I think Shea should win. He was the most "real." He showed the most true emotion, and he was not even on the show.

So, how do the contestants win? Aren't they supposed to sing or something?

Chuck sang and I still vote for Shea.

The sad reality is that Nashville is more of a yapping, atrocious-acting, titillating teeny-bopper show than a music or reality show.