Nathan: Another Face of Autism

Tomorrow will be my son Nathan's 11th birthday. I find that fact so hard to believe, but yet it's true. Normally, an 11 year old would be right on the cusp of the teen years.He should be starting to show some maturity, leaning away from more childish things, and wanting to grow up. Nathan is different though. He is very immature for his age. Nathan has autism.

Nathan's autism is high functioning, but still, very high challenging. It's a struggle every day just dealing with the simple things. We never really know if he will have a good day, or a terrible day. The most ordinary of events can send him into a downward spiral and the entire household can careen into chaos.

The ironic thing is, Nathan was my BEST baby. My fourth child, he was born after a painful and depressing miscarriage. I was thrilled to become pregnant again. An uneventful pregnancy, I wasn't sick even a single day. He hardly ever cried, unless he was really hungry. An incredible sleeper, right off the bat he would sleep for 10-12 hour stretches at night. None of my other children did that. I look back on it now as maybe a defense mechanism. A way to shut down from all the stimulation that was going on around him.

When Nathan reached the age of 1, I started to give him regular table foods. I noticed he had absolutely NO interest in trying them. He didn't want to even try the "fun" foods, like crackers and cheerios. I figured he would outgrow this stage, as I went back to feeding him baby food. He did not want to give up the familiar food that came in the jars. Eventually I was able to wean him away from the jars, but we would go through phases of him only eating one or two things, over and over. He went through a green bean phase. I had to carry around little containers of green beans because he wouldn't eat anything else. The same thing happened with cereal bars. Then we were on to Ramen soup, which is still one of his favorite foods. He also has always craved French fries and chips. He only recently learned to eat chicken nuggets. We cannot get him to even try a piece of grilled chicken or steak.

Behavioral issues began to become apparent at age 2. He was very grumpy and "growly"...and although he did have language skills, he liked to point and grunt instead of talk when he was frustrated. If my daughter had a friend over, it was not uncommon for him to just go up to that child and yank their hair for no reason or smack them in the face. Again I attributed it to the toddler years, and figured he was just a difficult one but would outgrow it at some point with discipline and guidance.

Unfortunately, he never outgrew these behaviors. By age five he also had Obsessive Compulsive behaviors. Repetitive hand washing was a big problem when he was in kindergarten. If he touched anything, he would go into the bathroom and wash his hands. The skin began to peel from the frequent hand washings.

If he was dipping French fries in ketchup, he would have five or six dollops of ketchup on his plate and dip a fry in each dollop before he would eat it.

He would only drink out of a certain cup and eat out of a certain bowl with a certain spoon. No substitutions could be made.

He would only wear shorts , which had to be made out of a jersey- type material that was soft. No snaps or zippers could be a part of this garment. The clothing had to have an elastic waist.

Nathan also had educational issues. His teacher had great difficulty teaching him the most basic of kindergarten milestones. A student study team was put together to keep track of Nathan and his progress, and we had period meetings to discuss the findings. At the end of the school year his teacher recommended he repeat kindergarten. I was in full support, but the school psychologist didn't agree with this. He felt Nathan had met enough milestones that year and that repeating the school year would be detrimental. They were quite forceful about this so I reluctantly agreed with the decision.

First grade was no better for Nathan. His obsessive compulsive behaviors worsened. They included repetitive applying of lip balm to his lips and sharpening his pencil every few minutes after he would use it. Fortunately, Nathan had a very compassionate teacher and really felt Nathan needed a more in depth assessment of his needs. She encouraged me to take Nathan to a psychologist or psychiatrist to help get to the bottom of his problems. We did exactly that and we were informed Nathan was on the autism spectrum and considered "high functioning".

This was a real revelation for me. I knew nothing about autism except the images I had in my mind of children rocking in corners, that did not communicate with anyone. Nathan could communicate and made eye contact. He hugged people. I had no idea that someone could have mild autism. Everything made more sense as it was explained to me and as I did more research on my own about it.

Nathan was put into a wonderful Special Education program. It was hard making the move to a different school, but it ended up being the best decision for Nathan. He finally learned how to read and write, and was with a teacher specially trained to deal with kids like Nathan, and handle the ups and downs of teaching special needs children.

The years have still been tough, and I know will continue to be tough. We recently had him assessed again by a county psychologist team who feel not only does he have autism, but also a mood disorder and ADHD. His temper continues to be a problem, and there are days where I am so emotionally drained I don't know how to face another day. I am so sure sometimes that I am doing everything wrong that could possibly be done to raise a child like him.

I worry daily if Nathan will ever be able to live on his own. Most likely Nathan will need to live in a group home or assisted living situation. His common sense is utterly lacking most of the time, and I wonder would he ever understand that he needs to pay an electrical bill, not buy a computer game.

Special events people take for granted, like going on vacation, are a huge challenge with Nathan. We must make sure that we have as short a layover as possible in dealing with flight schedules. He detests airports. The noise and crowds completely unhinge him and he has to have a window seat on all flights.

Nathan does not enjoy going to the beach or amusement parks, or shopping malls. Going out to restaurants has always been an issue as well, so if he is dining with us, we make sure to go early and to restaurants with a high noise factor, just in case he is noisy, which is quite often. I do have to say that as he is getting older, some of these issues are getting BETTER. He has a long way to go, but they are getting better.

My ultimate wish is that society learn as much as possible about Autism. It affects so many families, and turns entire worlds upside down. If I am able to tell people about Nathan, I always remind them that if they are out somewhere and see a child exhibiting a behavior that might seem out of place, or the child seems too old to act that way, try to be compassionate. That child could very well be suffering from the disorder.

As I look at my son, I am reminded that his name means "Gift from God".He was not given to us by accident, nor was he created this way by accident. He is perfect the way he is, and we were meant to be his parents. We will continue to always love him, and guide him into adulthood the best way we know how.