National Armed Robbery Day

I'm writing to you in hopes that you will take my proposal seriously.

In my years as an adult, I've struggled to maintain a healthy relationship with the banks that are lucky enough to keep my business, but as each year progresses, they make it harder for me to remain loyal. Over the years I've dealt with unnecessary bank fees (including but not limited to overdraft "protection"), an unreasonable waiting period for funds to clear, and an unending number of policies that stink of some over priced CEO that only has experience in making impoverished people slightly more poor.

I know that my experience is not unique. I speak to people on a regular basis that are just as fed up as I've become, so I think it's about time the American people take action against these government-funded crooks.

Instead of having to bend over and be raped by these shady institutions, I propose that you sponsor a national holiday. And, what, you may ask, is this holiday?

It is none other than a National Armed Robbery Day.

I am calling for all fed up Americans to band together in every large city across our greedy nation to work towards one goal - overthrowing the banks one day a year.

Understandably the every day people that will participate in this holiday will have competition from the real life bank robbers, but in order to deter such career criminals, there will be requirements that every participant must meet.

1. Preference will be given to individuals that have a large amount of debt, including - loans, mortgages, and credit card debt, with priority given to college students and graduates with a large amount of student loans.

2. Applicants must not have a criminal record.

3. They must have a favorable employment history.

4. Priority will also be given to single mothers and fathers on welfare, parents that work for minimum wage or less, individuals that are employed without health benefits, and older citizens who are no longer able to work but have no means of support.

5. Drug and alcohol free homeless applicants will automatically be top priority.

6. Applicants in the unemployment offices will be actively solicited.

After all of the applications have been processed for the year, teams will be assembled across the city. Each team will be assigned particular banks to hold up and given their own weapons, if necessary. Once the business day is finished, everyone in the city that has participated will gather at a central meeting place and an appointed manager will divide the funds equally among all the participants after taking a small percentage of the money for their own fee.

I'd like you to take this seriously because I'm not sure what else can be done. I'm tired of a rising homeless population, mothers and fathers that can't afford to support their kids, and a large percentage of Americans that kill themselves working their entire lives for some out-of-touch corporate hack that would sooner lay them off as a sacrifice to the profitable gods of overseas slave labor.

National Armed Robbery Day - we're bringing crime back (and into the hands of real Americans).