Natural Male Enhancement

He had not been expecting a letter. In fact, apart from bills, he never got anything - not even pizza coupons. Yet, here it was, an actual letter addressed to him. Yes, there it was, Stephen Hannah. And who would be writing him a letter in the first place? He and his wife, Leslie, had only lived in Pikeston for a few weeks. They hardly knew anyone. Living in such a remote section outside of town, they didn't even hear from the Welcome Wagon. This was strange to be sure. Stephen carried the letter inside. It just didn't seem right to open it outdoors by the mailbox.

Once he got in the door, he walked over to the kitchen table, sat down, and used his old Barlow knife to slice open the envelope. A typewritten letter and postcard slid out and onto the table. Stephen unfolded the letter and read it silently.

"We know what it is like to feel "less than adequate" in the bedroom. You want to "be larger" but don't feel comfortable seeking the help you need. Let's face it, Stephen, it's embarrassing, right? You want to get bigger, but you're too afraid to try something. Well that's where we come in.

At Biggerers, we pride ourselves on growth and performance assistance that works. What's more, we guarantee that you'll notice a difference after one treatment. To prove it, we are offering you this special incentive. Mail back the discreet response card. It's postage-paid. We're going to give you a single treatment for free. Send now to . . . ."

Stephen stopped reading and glanced at the postcard. What would the mailman say? He noticed that the card said, "Vacation Survey" and had his address and a checkbox next to "Yes." He thought about it. He had seen the commercials and was at the very least a bit curious about the claims these companies made. He decided to try, so he checked the box and walked the postcard out to the box. "What was the harm in trying?" he reckoned to himself.

Six weeks passed and Stephen had completely forgotten about the letter. His memory was jarred when the postman carried a small parcel to his front door and rang the bell.

"You'll need to sign for this, Sir. It's certified." He held out his pen.

Stephen signed the note and thanked the man, briefly eyeing the box to see if any print on the box revealed its contents. The box was addressed to him from Upwards Vacation Planners, LLC. The postman walked away as Stephan closed the door and walked back to the kitchen table. He opened the box.

Inside the package were a postcard and a silver blister pack with enclosing two yellow capsules. If he didn't know better, he would have thought it was a sample of a popular pain reliever. A small note on the blister pack stated, "Take two capsules with water."

"That's it?" he said out loud. "Boy the FDA would have a field day with these guys." He was a little nervous, but he figured that maybe they had left something out during packing. There was an 800 number on the postcard. He dialed the number and waited. A kind-sounding man on the other end assured him that these were completely safe and made of all natural ingredients. If he had any complaints, he should call back.

Leslie would be home from market soon. He choked down the capsules and drank a glass of water. Nothing. He didn't feel any different. Maybe he wasn't supposed to feel anything. Stephen decided he'd wait and see. Maybe there would be fireworks tomorrow night.

Stephen awoke the next day still feeling very much the same. He noticed, as he was getting dressed, that his pants fit a little tighter than he remembered. "I did have two helpings of meatloaf last night, plus dessert." Another day at work and return home with no major surprises. Somewhere, somebody was probably having a laugh at his expense.

When Stephen's alarm went off he felt a little groggy. He wasn't a morning person, but this felt different. He glanced around and noticed he was laying on the floor. As he staggered up, he noticed what was going on. His stomach was as large and as round as any picture of Santa he had ever seen, maybe bigger. He walked up to the mirror and assessed the damage. The bathroom scale wouldn't even register his weight. Stephen couldn't see the scale anyway. He waddled over to the phone and dialed the 800 number. He got a recording.

"We're sorry but we are ceasing our business. Apparently, many of our customers have confused our girth gainer product with another sort of male enhancement. We apologize for any inconvenience."