Natural and Man-Made Disasters for You to Worry About

Just in case you're not worried enough about the state of the world here's a reminder of some things you might have forgotten about or things you'd never even thought of but which will now seep into your subconscious and give you nightmares for weeks to come. My pleasure.

Global warming. Ahh, that's easy. That's right the World is going to hell in a hand-basket, which is actually quite a pleasant mode of transportation if you think about it. As the earth's atmosphere heats up either with or without the hand of mankinds industrial shenanigans the end most definitely looks to be nigh, although not in our lifetime...... so, hey.... why worry.

Solar Flares. That's right, I watch 'National Geographic' the experts in unlikely tragedies to make you paranoid and all things phobic. Unexpected highly powered solar flares could apparently completely mess up our electrical systems, even more so than the good folks who control the power grid for the Eastern Seaboard. Yes, we could be reliving the blackout from a few years ago but Countrywide and for a lot longer.

Skin Cancer. Those little rays of sunny joy emanating from the sun will, as the years go by turn to laser-blazing, skin cancer inducing beams of death bursting through the ever thinner ozone layer. You'll have melanomas in minutes flat after forgetting to put apply 90 Strength sun-tan lotion to your virgin flesh.

Killer Bees. Oh no, killer bees are killing our cute and fluffy regular bees and are making a bee-line (a ha, a ha ha) across the United States straight to your door. Stay inside your homes fretful folk and stop hitting those nests with sticks.

Aids. It's an oldie but a goodie. Not the 'Black Death' of the 20th Century as it was portrayed in the 80's but a good old reliable scare to make you ask for a blood test from any potential date. Aids is of course the puritanical religious fanatics dream come true as it manifests the ideology that God hates the sinner.

Asteroids and Meteorites. O.K. I'm never quite sure what the distinction between the two is, but either way should one of these bad boys hit you on the noggin you will find yourself freshly dead. But wait no, that's not always the case. There was a story a couple of years back of a school-girl in England who's backpack got hit by a very burnt up meteorite without causing bodily harm and actually gave her 15 minutes of fame. If you do find yourself assaulted by space-debris or come across homicidal earthbound celestial bodies make sure you hold onto them as they are worth quite a bit, for example there was another story of a man whose car was obliterated by a wayward meteorite but who was more than compensated by the $ value of the errant heavenly missile.

Flooding. For those of us in New York, New Jersey and the low-lying areas of the Eastern Seaboard and Southern States there is the uncomfortable omnipresent threat of being flooded. If not by the quick and powerful force of a Hurricane then the insidious rising waters that will eventually turn New York into a swamp. This being due to the shrinking Polar ice-caps.

Tsunami. More water hazards courtesy of a little volcanic island in the Canary Islands off the coast of North Africa called 'La Palma' which is, according to those Scientists who specialize in doom and gloom predictions going to one day erupt, thus dislodging a sizeable chunk of the island into the sea which would in turn result in an enormous tsunami being unleashed and heading towards the Eastern seaboard of the United States. Europe would also be affected but trust the U.S. to go bigger and better. A 150 foot wall of water turning the U.S. shoreline into a quagmire.

Terrorists. I apologize to all those terrorists out there who were feeling left out of this list. Of course we have suicide bombings, blowing up of bridges, school-buses, hotels, infecting the water supply, poisonous gas in our subways. In fact a myriad of planes, trains and automobiles which could be summarily exploded, imploded, flooded, gassed, destroyed and generally buggered around with. Let's not forget the fear of the Media who always seem to delight in giving terrorists clues as to what we fear most and offer up scenario's that said terrorists might not have even considered. I personally think that U.S. security should monitor what airs with respect some of these news-reports which might give people ideas and therefore cause more harm than good.

In general if you don't have enough phobia's, fears and dread in your life already then maybe this list will have helped you reach a state of paranoia you had only previously dreamt of. Goodnight and look out!