Need to Lose Weight Quickly or at Least Look Skinner

The 4^th of July this year reminded me of that last minute decision that I need to look better with my shirt off. I'd like to be like the fit men of the world who keep themselves in shape year round. Trust me I try to work out but it seems like every time I'm in shape I never need to look good and then I take a month off I end up on the beach for a week straight.

So for all of you who keep in shape year round move on nobody likes you. Okay that might be harsh but get out already. Now if you are still reading you're like me a bit of a procrastinator. So it's a week away from your event and you've decided you at least need to look skinner. Here is a simple and non healthy way to lose a couple of pounds to at least make you feel more comfortable.

First we need to clean everything out of that stomach. Trust me this is going to be the worst part of this arrangement. What I do is eat something with a ton of jalapenos. It doesn't really matter what it is but really put them on. I mean make it as hot as you can handle and then some. Now make sure you can be near a bathroom for the rest of the day. I won't get into the unpleasant details but soon your stomach will be cleared out.

Now you need to tighten up that stomach as much as we can. In the morning do as many crunches as you can. During the day suck your stomach in until you feel the muscles in your back tighten. Do that as many times as you can. Then at the end of the night do your crunches again. Of course you should be sore since we haven't been working out.

Now for your last minute diet your stomach is going to be empty and we want to keep it that way. You need to still eat something in the morning to start the calories burning. I start off with toast and water. By the way water is the only thing you should be drinking during this time. For lunch it needs to be a small salad. The only snack you get is celery and water. I know this all stinks but guess what that's what happens at the last minute. For dinner another plain salad to keep you miserable.

Remember this is not a healthy way to maintain a diet. This is a way to quickly look skinner for an event. Do not do this for more than a day or two it is unhealthy.