Negotiating Isn't Always About You

Many of us negotiate in our daily lives and don't even realize we're doing it. Whether with co-workers, family, friends or business associates, the process of negotiating has become so ingrained in many of us that it almost comes as second nature. But there are certain situations that stand out to us as times when we really negotiate.

Buying or selling a car or house, settling on a job's salary, and other big ticket agreements that often take some time, are stressful, and in which a significant outcome hangs in the balance are what likely comes to mind when you mention negotiations. In such situations it might feel like the pressure is on and all eyes are upon you, but negotiating isn't always just about you. Sometimes it pays to make it more about the other party or parties with whom you are dealing.

Having worked in hotel finance, I grew to love negotiating. Much of my job revolved around negotiating billing amounts, timeframes, and payments. At first I didn't care for this aspect of my work, but as I became better at it, I actually began to enjoy negotiating and found ways to do it that in many cases actually made it a positive part of my work.

Talk it Out

Sometimes all it takes is a little light conversation to help you glean valuable information from those you are negotiating with. Getting to know your 'opponent' can help you probe for weak points, discover valuable information about their particular negotiating position, find out how strong a hand they hold, and learn how better how to utilize this information to your advantage.

I always took time to get to know my accounts in the hospitality business. Being able to open a conversation with more than just, "When are you going to pay me?" can certainly make your negotiations go smoother. Asking about the family, their recent trip to Jamaica, or just their day in general can help relieve the stress of the negotiation as well as make the person you are negotiating with feel more comfortable working with you to come to an agreement.

Watch Your Wording

In the process of learning about those with whom you are negotiating, you must sometimes watch your words carefully. Even little things you let slip could be key indicators that could be used against you during the negotiating process. Being friendly and carrying on a general conversation is one thing, but letting your mouth get the better of you can be costly. Remember the old war saying, "Loose lips sink ships!"

Silence is Golden

While learning about your negotiating opponent can be useful in how you handle your strategy, sometimes silence is golden. Letting him or her do the talking while you listen for key indicators can help you pick up on useful information that you can use without giving your opponent anything in return. People often feel obligated to talk, especially in pressure situations, but as I often tell my four-year-old son, you can learn more by listening than by speaking. If you listen closely during a negotiation, you may pick up variations in a story that could tell you a person isn't being quite forthright with you.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

People often do funny things when they're nervous. Their skin reddens, they fidget or get nervous ticks, they avert their eyes, sweat or stutter, they hem and haw, their mouths get dry, and their body language changes. Like "tells" in a card game, even subtle changes in a person could be indicators that they are being less than honest with you or aren't comfortable with the situation. Watching for such variations in others can also help you pinpoint the things that you do in high pressure negotiations and enable you to look for ways to avoid or reduce your own tells.

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Disclaimer:

The author is not a licensed financial professional. The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Any action taken by the reader due to the information provided in this article is solely at the reader's discretion.