New Alternative Energy Source: Sleaze

Manchester, NH - DEKA Research today took the wraps off its newest technology: The SleazeCar.

SleazeCar is a fuel conversion kit that allows any automobile to run on sleaze, an abundant, universally available and renewable resource that is a by-product of the American political process the many parts of the global business community. "We believe that SleazeCar could potentially reestablish the USA's flagging superpower status," said Dean Kamen, DEKA Research founder.

So just how does the SleazeCar system work? According to DEKA, the brain of the system is something called the Sleazerator. Kamen explains, "The Sleazerator is a revolutionary combination of materials and components that function much like the human brain. Wherever Sleaze is present, our system absorbs it through a network of nerve-like fibers that are painted onto the car in a thin polymer film. The film transmits the raw Sleaze into the center of the Sleazerator. The inside of the Sleazerator has a patented gray jelly-like mass that is similar to the brain. When the Sleaze enters, it begins to eat and destroy the brain-like material. The Sleazerator ships with a full supply of hope, optimism and trust. As the Sleaze causes these elements to combust, a huge amounts of frustration, anger and rage are produced. These are channeled into the drivetrain of the automobile and the kinetic energy of the vehicle restores the virtuous elements and the process repeats itself."

Kamen believes that Sleaze will someday be used to power more than cars. "Some parts of the country have such limitless supplies that this new energy source could displace all other resources. For instance, we estimate that Washington, D.C. currently generates enough Sleaze to power the entire Federal Government plus all of the parts of the East Coast that Donald Trump is not already supplying. During the cross-country drive in our prototype vehicle, we drove down K Street and we picked up so much Sleaze that we didn't have to refuel until we got to Crawford, Texas."

Film director George Lucas has been testing the Sleazecar. "I drove through Richard Pombo's district a month ago and the fuel gauge just shot right up to full and I haven't had to fill up since. People compare Pombo to Darth Vader, but let me tell you, the Darth Vader Sleaze readings up at Skywalker Ranch are miniscule compared to the hit you get just driving by Pombo's district office. I'm driving down the LA this weekend and if I start to run low, I'll just swing by Mel Gibson's place."

Stay tuned for future developments at www.sleazecar.com.