New Baby Jealousy: Sibling Rivalry Starts at Birth

Do you know what causes sibling rivalry? The undisputed truth of the matter is the main cause of sibling rivalry is the birth of a another child. Even if you do everything to prepare your child for the new baby from psyching them up to be the "big helper" to letting them be a part of the preparation, uncomfortable new feelings are bound to rise up in your first born.

I remember when my mom brought my new baby sister home. She told me the baby's name was Kimberly. That was the last straw for me. I had told her that I wanted to name the baby in her tummy Lemon Chiffon, after my favorite doll from the Strawberry Shortcake collection. How could she forget?

When I brought my daughter home, my son was excited. He held his new sister in his little two-year-old arms and looked so happy. Three days later, he wanted the thing to go back in my tummy. She cried too loud and he wanted me to read to him all alone.

While I do not believe you can completely eradicate the jealousy, there are ways to help your growing family adjust to the new dynamics.

Prep with stories
Reading stories about new babies can help a child deal with the situation. Stories can provide a buffer for kids to ask questions and they also open the door to new feelings. It might be easier to talk about how "brother bear" handled his new baby sister, than to directly talk about the situation at hand.

Actions speak louder than words
Let dad, grandma, aunts and friends take care of the new baby. Holding a tiny infant is not a burden for most. While the baby is being cared for, nurture your first born. Along the same lines, ask people to spend extra time with the oldest. A little extra attention goes a long way. Extend invitations to extended family members to be a part of the transition.

Prepare to be shocked
Even if your child does not come out and suggest getting rid of the newborn, their behavior may change. Try not to be shocked. Some children may start misbehaving in new ways. Some may regress to infant-like behaviors themselves. Don't worry and don't freak out, negative reactions are common, but it does get better.

Stop feeling guilty
You did not ruin your child's life by adding a sibling. No need to feel any guilt about betraying your only first born. While I do not have Lemon Chiffon for a sister, Kim is an important part of my life. My son may have wanted the noisy thing to go back, but they quickly found a way to their loyal partners in crime status.

The best way to deal with sibling jealousy is to simply not feed it. Making a big deal about "the awful thing" your toddler said about the baby, or fussing over a little regression only makes it worse. Walk them through the rush of new feelings and the upheaval at home, but don't go on any guilt trip, there simply is not enough time in the day!