New Study Shows Memory Drug Ginkgo Ineffective

Do you often misplace your car keys? Have you ever walked outside naked because you've forgotten which room of the house you're in? Do you sometimes stop in mid-sentence, forgetting what you were going to... uh... have you ever lost your car keys? If you have, what may have been the solution to your problems is no longer plausible, many scientists say.

A new study showing that Ginkgo supplements do not improve memory like they were originally thought to is turning the medical world on its head.

"We don't see any benefit," said some guy with a toupee whose name escapes me, "that taking Ginkgo helps the thinking process. In fact," he added, "if you can remember to take the Ginkgo supplements every day, you probably don't need to take them in the first place."

Memory loss comes in many forms; short-term, long-term, forgotten pants, lost hats, or even losing your head. It should be noted that the previous quote was paraphrased, as I can't, for the life of me, remember what exactly he said.

Ginkgo supplements are commonly offered over the counter in drugstores around the nation. When they were introduced, too long ago to remember, they were a craze because of their quick fix marketing strategy. Early studies suggested that taking Ginkgo over time could prolong the effects of... of... no wait, don't tell me. It's a disease old people get. Charlton Heston has it. It starts with an A...

Alzheimers!

And Gingko Supplements have gone on to make millions of those flat green things we spend all the time.

Ginkgo has been believed to increase the flow of blood to those little tube-like things going into the heart. Dang, what are those called? It is also supposed to absorb chemicals that would otherwise damage cell tissue. But this new study has dimmed Ginkgo's substantive future.

A little blue pill, it is not.

So why the difference between the two studies? The new study claims the old study forgot to conclude the experiments, characteristically because none of their memories had improved. In the new study, 230 people over the age of 60 or 65, something like that, despite taking ginkgo, forgot to show up for the second day of testing. Of the ones who remembered to show up, half kept asking when Bingo was going to start.

Ginkgo is not regulated by the FDA (Food and something-that-starts-with-a-D Administration) and the supplements were never condoned by the American Medical Association. But the supplements, coming from the leaves of the ginkgo biloba tree, have been long sought after as a health remedy for common forgetfulness, dementia, forgetfulness, and repeated instances of forgetfulness.

While these studies indicate that Ginkgo may have no effect on memory, it has been claimed that Ginkgo, combined with some other herbs I sure wish I could remember, can enhance your sex drive.

Like a good journalist, I sent myself out on assignment. After researching long and hard, I can neither confirm nor deny the validity to the claim that Ginkgo enhances the sex drive. I wish I could, but I can't remember.